Written by Jaggedone
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Monday, 29 November 2010

image for Elephants are the perpetrators of global warming and ozone holes, they crap too much! Innocent elephants blamed for global warming and the ozone holes, what a load of crap!

Well who the fuck is to blame for Ozone holes appearing in our once so pristine atmosphere, look sideways and you will find the answer?

Jaggedone has been researching this subject and after studying a global scientific survey I have come to the stinking, disgusting, polluting, stenching conclusion that farting Indian/African Elephants, Australian Sheep, American Cows, etc, are to blame!

Never in a million years are polluted factories, CO2 output, traffic jammed motorways, municipal refuse pits, nuclear wastage plants, human sewer works, chemical factories, human polluted oceans, rivers, lakes, inland seas, dead fish swimming on the surface, etc, to blame.

No, no, farting, crapping elephants and their animal brothers and sisters have brought this disaster upon the oh so clean and pure human race.

They have caused the Ozone holes to appear through the accumilation of methane gases by persistently farting and crapping all over our wonderful planet and left the human race with a massive, ultra violet, infra red bombardment from our ferocious and very angry mother of all planets, the sun.

We poor, innocent and very honest, upright humans are about to be sacrificially sacriced for the sake of our farting, crapping animal contra - parts and have no solution for the problem (well maybe, add a bit more pollution to their habitats, poison their foods, start a global foot and mouth outbreak, destroy the forests and rain forests!!) Oh my God I forgot, humans eat them too, that won't do, we could all end up killing ourselves!!!

Alternative solution:

We could all jump on the next available rocket flying towards fuck knows where and leave the "SHITHOLE" behind us (only if you're a multi -millionaire, billionaire and a good friend of Sir "ol platinum balls" Branson and a Virgin of course!).

Ozone holes caused by farting and crapping elephants (and of course those other filthy beasts, pigggies, cows, sheep shaggers (?), etc.) who else can the human race blame for their self inflicted miseries, our Alien friends maybe:

"Aliens, oh Jaggedone get a fucking life, there are no flying saucers and green men shitting and peeing down on our planet, or maybe it's God/Allah (no insults towards our muslim brotherhood please) sitting on the bog having a good ol crap!!!"

Suddenly a stench arises drifting slowly out of the bathroom, pardon, my bowels moved to the right!

I can feel a mighty, massive fart approaching, I'm just about to release some more methane gases on the bog, poison the rest of the family and make the ozone hole even bigger, elephants (up) my butt!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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