Written by Lady Godiva
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Saturday, 27 November 2010

image for 50,000 Protest Irish Bail Out. New religion - Protolics or Cathestants, being considered in Ireland

I have never professed to being a fan of politics and politicians but this story from Ireland has really got me thinking.

Two topics I was brought up to avoid, in conversations, were politics and religion. Now I understand why.

The Vatican City is purported to be the richest city in the world. Christian people, albeit Catholics, reside there.

Many Catholics reside in Ireland so why doesn't the Vatican dip into its coffers and help out the country financially?
That is a rhetorical question but gives an answer to the timing of Pope Benedict lifting the ban on condoms for Catholics.

The Pope, in his misguided wisdom, is hoping that having permission to use condoms, will cheer up many Catholics who will turn to sex for pleasure in a BIG way, taking their minds off the financial problems Ireland is experiencing.

It has been reported, in other articles on The Spoof, that the Vatican itself is hoping to be propheting from the sale of condoms produced in its very own factory on Vatican grounds. (read related article in News Section by this writer to find out more about the Pope lifting ban on condoms for Catholics).

A clever ploy - but Catholics aren't stupid. They've been using condoms for years, going to confession and duly carrying out the pathetic penances given freely by the priests in the confessionals. Priests who really get their rocks off listening to the explicit sexual forays of parishioners.

What're a few Hail Marys and Our Fathers anyway - when you take into account the fun of having sexual intercourse wearing a condom and not having to worry about babies.

I digress. Ireland is in a sorry state financially. I say that Ireland should fire all the priests, saving money on salaries and close churches as places of worship. Turn them into blocks of flats and rent them out to good God fearing Irish families who are, at present, living well below the poverty line whilst priests, bishops and the pope, live in luxury.

OK Protestants live in Ireland too. I do believe that the 'fighting' between the two religious factions, will slowly die a death if the churches are closed and priests are fired.

Protestants and Catholics will get along famously if these suggestions are followed. Indeed they could join forces and be of ONE religion Protolics or Cathestants.

It's worth a try at least and could be the answer Ireland is looking for.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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