Written by stephen d gross
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Saturday, 27 November 2010

image for Fallout from Bush Administration: What's to be done with all the Nukular waste? Urainium-232 baseballs is one solution.

If you think a two headed horned toad is scary you oughta spend more time thinking about the Bush Administration dumping all the high-potency nu-cu-lar waste in America in an abandoned warehouse near San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf.

If you're a typical Cracker, Bible-Thumper or learned a new salute up at Sand Point, you're probably sayin' Good. Let those Hippie bastards stir-fry their tempeh on that for a while! They'll love not having to pay those monstero rates for power that we got away with charging them - and all that poisoned heat will be someplace other than here!

Well that's not at all cool, amigo. Not in Farenheit and not spiritually. From the second those gov'mint trucks start rolling up, those Left Coasters probably gonna be working at coming up with ways to move it along. And not in noble, fraught-with-liberty-'n-justice, under God all-American ways either. But in snively little pinko-sneaky underhanded unethical but hirsute ways. And you almost can't blame 'em.

"Why don't you stick it in a tunnel in Idaho or Montana?," the Bearded Ones are whining. "Why bring it down here when the trucks delivering it won't even be able to find a place to park?"

Well, Ol' Dubya says his decision is based on "good science" and what's in the best interests of the majority of the American people. It's true it's only going to be a short mile or two from the Pacific and practically humping the San Andreas Fault, "But didn't they just have a big one there a coupla years ago?" says El Presidente. "What's the chance of another one comin' along anytime soon - you tell me?"

One thing I'll tell 'em is those trucks gotta roll some distance from America's 396 nuclear power plants to get to San Francisco. And those hills when they arrive...who-o-e-e-e! Your brakes lose it on the top of California Street and you roll backwards with a few dozen tons of dirty plutonium? It'll be a pretty sight if your watching it from the Moon. Georgie says he'd like to see it moved far from Ground Zero. I heard from Ex-guv Ms. Ann Richards she could hardly believe what he told her the other day, "Those New Yawkers have already had their quota of the Blues this year. " And you know how upset those kind get whenever their lives are shaken by things not goin' the way they want!" Remember the Lobster Scene in Annie Hall?"

And considering all the pill-popping all nighters some long haul truckers pull, toting all that stuff by truck and rail is tantamount to National Suicide. Besides, hijacking has become so commonplace it wouldn't be long before some gang like the Bloods had enough U-235 to declare war on Switzerland.

There's more bad news. The Atherton landlord who the feds plan on leasing the warehouse from claims the place leaks and has been overrun by rats for years. But it hasn't been so unpleasant that the vagrants and crackheads have stayed out, and now no one seems interested in asking them to please find another place in which to live out their rich and meaningful lives.

Of course Green Berets and Special Forces are always available for such dangerous missions in the name of National security, and the tv rights could be sold in order to pay for the operation.

But what I want to know is, where's Jimmy Stewart and Steve McQueen when you need 'em?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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