Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Saturday, 20 November 2010

image for The Guardian Readership's Acceptable Version Of The Lord Of The Rings Part 2

Read this thrilling adventure from the start

And so Froduh and his companions approached the hippy haven of Rivendell, where they found the river held against them.

A group of 9 black clad Goth riders refused to let the students pass the river.

But then Froduh stood up, preaching, "Yeah, like Che Guevara before me, I shall murder thee if thee persists in promoting a different point of view from my radical leftism, and I therefore command the rivers to rise up and wash thee away."

And after five years of waiting, largely thanks to global warming, the rivers did eventually rise high enough to wash away the 9 black clad Goth riders.

"Hooray!" yelled Froduh. "I told you it was happening," he smugly proclaimed.

At that, the hippies of the Shire entered Rivendell, whereupon there was a veritable gay orgy of smugness and hatred towards all things mildly right-wing, or even centralist. And it was declared that the One Ring should be destroyed, as well as all belongings of the followers of the One Ring, who should now-on be known as the nudies.

And so it was on the 13th day of November that 9 naked hippies headed south from Rivendell, seeking to destroy the One Ring, and all of capitalism with it.

The 9 hippies were: the hobbits Froduh, his gay lover Sam (also known by his transvestite name Samantha), Pipwort, Drunky, also the elf Legoman (who was made of Lego), Gimpy the dwarf, Aracorn the warrior with bad feet, Bozomir, a clown from the southern lands, and Gandalf the capitalist.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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