Written by Inhopeless
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Monday, 8 November 2010

Today's interview is with pop sensation, James Gordon.

Inhopeless: So, its nice to have you here, James.

James Gordon: Yeah, it's nice to see the press still have an interest in me.

I: Yes, there are some people *SNEEZES* who still care about you.

J: That's great.

I: How do you feel about getting number one on the Billboard Hot 100?

J: It's great, I'm number one!

I: <whispers> Aren't we all?

J: say what?

I: What?

J: Nevermind...

I: How are your super *ficial* friends taking it?

J: Well, all my mates at secondary school thought that I would amount to nothing. I got a string of D grades, which is amazing, so I showed them.

I: *looks at wall behind James, specifically, a Degree from the Univeristy of Birmingham in Media Studies and a Degree in Biochemistry.*

J: I never went to sixth-form, because I was offered a lucrative record deal with DLH Records.

I: Yeah how is that?

J: It says I get paid 10% of the entire sales. My manager tells me that means that of £100 000 per six months, I get £90 000. Which is a lot.

For those of you who didn't fail Mathematics, work it out.

I: You do know someone at Burger King earns...

J: Yes?

I: some money.

J: You were never good at maths, were you?

I: Well... next question, were you followed here?

J: Yes. By 13 cars!

I: Did you go along the A4540 out of Digbeth?

J: Yes!

I: That's a busy roa... I mean good, good to see, people are following you! Okay, the rumours are, you asked out Miley Cyrus?

J: No, no, I asked out Hannah Montana.

I: Yes well... *expasterated* okay, what did she say?!

J: She's a TV character, stupid! She was very real though, it's amazing what 3D technology can do!

I: Oh, yeah! Silly me, I forget the difference between reality and TV! Duh!

J: Except reality telly!

I: *huffs* Okay, this interview is over. Why on earth did I take this job interviewing numbskull pop stars? LISTEN. IN TWO WEEKS, THE ONLY MENTION OF YOU WILL BE YOU TRYING TO STALK PHOTOGRAPHERS, OR RUNNING A CARFULL OF JOURNALISTS OFF THE ROAD TO GET YOUR 'CELEBRITY' SCOOP!

J: That's so mea... *Inhopeless gets out a gun.* I thought guns were illegal!

I: Firearms. Not paintball guns.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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