Written by Juan Blood
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 31 October 2010

INorder to publise the addition of Rasputin to the Cabinet, David Cameron has agreed to a request by David Dimbleby to participate in question time in Siberia. The panel will include his good friend Boris Johnson, his not so good friend John Prescott plus special guest Secretary of State Hilary Clinton.

Qustion time was held in the picturesque town of Omsk, Dimbleby welcome the media and the locals to what he revealed would be a first in British Politics.

The audience clamoured to make their voices heard, finally Cameron spoke, We have seen attempts by terrorists to send bomb packages by cargo planes to our country,I have made a decision with my partner Nick Clegg that Rasputin the Russian Svengali would join the British cabinet as Homeland Czar,Rasputin or Razza as I would call him is too oversee homeland security, Narcotics, teenage pregnancies and banker's bonuses.

British Scientist have managed to regenerate the DNA of Rasputin and through a time warp process we believe Razza will be here in a few days. I personally stake my job on this.

A member of the public asked Boris whether it was a good thing having Rasputin in the goverment. Boris stood up and said If he can support our olympic publicity, if he can ride a bike and not have two Jags in his drive then i welcome him.

Any angry John Prescott stood up his six foot two, 18 stone build of solid fat quivering with rage. "Yer daft bugger one car is fer me and t'other is fer missus.

Sit down you northern peasant get back to your cruise line replied Boris. Prescott a former boxer leapt out and challenged Boris to a fight. Boris obliged and much to everyone's suprise was nibble on his feet and worked his jab to Prezza's paunch,they ended on the floor scuffling.

All of a sudden the room quietened , the two combatants looked up to see the face of the Russian Vlad the impaler Putin standing infront of them.

Get up he said in heaviy accented Russian english, you fight like my colleagues in the Duma. You Boris are of Russian stock, our research shows your Great grandfather exploited and pillaged the locals here, you have come back to your ancestral home. SEIZE HIM shouted Putin.

Two guards grabbed hold of poor Boris who began crying. MR President shouted Hilary, for a man with a small butt you do a lot of cheap talkin. Not so Secretary of State Clinton he replied. Before you leave I will personally see to it you receive fellatio Russian style - with mouthful of vodka.( warm muted applause greeted his words )

Taken aback by such boldness Hilary replied:" the very thort of it makes my body quiver, it can only help US- Ruski relations".

Cameron seized the lost momentum and said in his best northern accent " Hey up can we ave some order in here or i'll bang some bloody heads together" Putin you midget clear off and get back to that state circus you call a bloody parliment. " Clinton yer brazen hussy remove that microphone from between your legs this is live tv for godsake woman".I only wanna make Bill jealous she replied writhing onto the floor.

Prescott had recovered his composure and now he spoke, this man a former sea scrubber, union leader and deputy prime minster spoke."Hey up Cameron I'll teach yer to spake propa norvun english". "Its foo as in fookin ell, NOT fer as in Ferkin Hail" . Dont bastardise the english language, same guz for you Dimbleby yer plonka".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top ^