Written by IainB
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Thursday, 28 October 2010

image for Dear Doctor Dorothy - Blood Letting Pale is Interesting

Dear Doctor Dorothy,

Since being small, I have wanted to be pale and interesting. Unfortunately, I have always had a healthy complexion. Now I am a teenage emo, and I discovered if I give blood twice a day, I can get the complexion I desire. Slowly I am fitting in with my new friends. However, I find that I am losing all my energy, and I feel faint quite a lot. On top of this, I have lost the ability to maintain an erection. Should I stop giving blood and lose my lovely new lifestyle?

Paul Anderstin, Macclesfield

Dear Pale and Interesting,

It is quite acceptable to give blood twice a day, especially when you have a rare blood group. I feel you must have if the blood bank are not checking if you have been before. I applaud your social thoughtfulness, as most emus just let the blood go to waste. The dull, lifeless feeling accompanied with feeling faint is perfectly normal among emus, thus I can only conclude that you have full embraced this lifestyle and become as whining and full of self pity as the rest of them. Keep up the good work!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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