Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 28 September 2010

image for Take the Test: Are You a Man's Man? "That's right baby. All natural under this armor. Swagger; It's not just a noun.

Step up and take the Man's Man test, provided you don't mind seeing your actual results. Choose one likely answer per scenario (closest to how you would actually respond) and add those numbered points to your running total. When complete, check your total score at the bottom to reveal how truly manly you are:

A. When in a mixed gender social setting, intercourse should be described as:

1. Making Love

2. Boinking

3. Riding the Brahma bull into the Tuna corral.


B. Intercourse with a woman should only occur after sharing:

1. Each other's perspectives on religion, politics and long term relationships.

2. Your personal list of ex partners.

3. Five top shelf margaritas.


C. Hot, unplanned intercourse on the stairs would be described as:

1. Passionate love-play.

2. Another activity she won't agree to do any more.

3. Something your wife never needs to find out about.


D. You time your orgasm so that:

1. Your partner always comes first.

2. You both climax simultaneously

3. You don't miss the third period of the hockey game.


E. Spooning with your partner after making love is:

1. A bonding experience.

2. Not to bad if you can grab a breast in the process.

3. A good way to wipe the love juice off.


F. Your wife/girlfriend asks you if she looks fat. You tell her:

1. It doesn't impact your love for her at all.

2. It's not a problem, Lifetime Fitness has a sale on annual memberships.

3. Well, you can still eat an elephant one bite at a time.


G. Your opinion of today's sensitive, commitment oriented male is:

1. A myth.

2. An oxymoron.

3. A freaking moron.

H. Foreplay is to intercourse as:

1. A warm smile is to holding hands.

2. Mozzarella stick is to your steak entrée.

3. A long line to a ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl.

I. Which is your most likely break up line?1. "Lets still be friends."

2. "How about being just friends with occasional benefits?"

3. "There's a train leaving for Singletown, you best be on it."

J. Your partner is uneasy over your enjoyment of animal porn and:

1. Probably needs time to adjust to your intense perspective on intimacy.

2. Remains concerned, but allows you to satisfy your urges.

3. Shouldn't have interrupted you at the public petting zoo.

Scores:

10 - 15 Points: Wuss. Milk Toast. Go find your balls.

16 - 22 Points: You're not taking your Testosterone supplement.

23 - 30 Points: U DA MAN!

Credits: Idea borrowed (but re-written) from an anonymous e-mail stream.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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