Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 20 September 2010

image for The Dallas Cowboys Lose Again - Owner Jerry Jones Tells Miles Austin To Dump Kim Kardashian A photo of Kim Kardashian's butt before it doubled in size. (Photo courtesy of Charlie Sheen).

DALLAS - The Dallas Cowboys are off to an 0-2 record. They were defeated by The Chicago Bears 27-20.

Immediately after the game Cowboys owner Jerry Jones called Dallas receiver Miles Austin into his spacious office.

Austin walked in smiling and carrying two hot dogs. Jerry told him to leave all three things outside the door.

Miles looked at him and asked, "Even my dawgs?"

Austin could tell by the look on Mr. Jones' skinny face that the man was quite upset.

"Now look here Miles. I like you. You are a good kid. And a damn good player. But you have got to get rid of your celebrity girlfriend Kim Kardaluchi or whatever her name is."

"Ah Mr. Jones, her name is Kim Kardashian and I really do not think that you have the right to tell me that I have to dump the woman I love. I mean sir, have you not gotten a good look at the gal's caboose. Man or man I swear the sucker can easily haul six midgets around all day."

"Miles I am not here to talk about the railroad industry or about Dustin Hoffman and Danny DeVito okay?"

"Yes sir."

Jones then told Miles that two years ago after the Cowboys were losing games that they should have been winning he made Tony Romo dump his girlfriend Jessica "The Jinx" Simpson.

He then pointed out "Miles, son Tony boy did not like it, but he really did not like the fact that it was either he dump Simpson, or else I dump him to the lowly Detroit Lions. Well that took care of that little problem and damn quick."

Miles shook his head and asked Jones if he could go outside and get his two dawgs. Jones told him to go ahead. Austin offered one to Jones and he took it.

Austin ate the hot dog and then asked Mr. Jones that in essence if he did not break up with Kim that he would be traded to the Detroit Lions. Jones got a big old Texas grin on his face and replied, "Ah no Miles. I won't trade you to the Detroit Lions, I'll trade you to the Edmonton Eskimos of the Canadian Football League."

Miles shook his head. "Damn!"

"Miles do not cuss in my office. It is a sacred place okay?"

"Yes sir Mr. Jones. Ah I left my cell phone in my locker do you mind if I use your phone?"

"No not at all give me her number. I'll dial it for you."

Miles gave him Kim's number. Jones dialed it, and handed the phone to Austin. And within 15 seconds, he had broken up with Kim Kardashian.

SIDENOTE: Jerry Jones has instructed his assistant to add a notation to each and every player contract that stipulates that they are not to date any Hollywood celebrity types and can only date normal women who are teachers, waitresses, sales clerks, or who work as grocery store checkers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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