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Friday, 27 August 2010

image for Ringo Starr's Advise For Adult Diaper Rash! "Boy Do I Feel Good All Under!"

Hello. Hello. Hello. "Will you still feed me, will you still need me, when I'm sixty four?"

Remember that? A big hit for me and the boys. But now that I'm 70, I'd like to pass along a little "Help from my friends".

I'm talking about adult diaper rash and it's a serious subject. You could lose you family jewels through infection.

Here goes: Keep the skin dry with powder and make sure the skin is not in contact with urine and bowel movements (a nurses cute BM). I hope you're not eating while reading this. Bowel movements are nurse talk about shit!

Change the diaper or incontinence brief or 'cover cloth' as Paul calls it, every time it is wet or soiled. During the daytime, check the diaper or brief every few hours. You may need to change the diaper or brief during the night or between shows to prevent or clear up a rash. It is not unusual to change a diaper or brief 6 times in a 24-hour period. Especially for Elton John, who is usually full of shit.

Always use a super absorbent disposable diaper. Also, on the road, be sure to take a blow dryer but keep the setting on as low as possible. Don't want to destroy the Family Jewels!

Use a good ointment once old Charlie has dried.

Once you get home, go about the house naked for the rest of the night if no guests are expected.

And, never, ever use plastic pants until the rash is gone.

This is from one baby boomer to another. Shit happens. A wet one during a performance must be seen to immediately, so take the break early.

This is Ringo Starr who is right now, dry as a biscuit!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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