Written by anthonyrosania
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Tags: Spam, YouTube

Saturday, 21 August 2010

image for Dear Youtube Spammers: Please Develop an Anal Prolapse And Die. Sincerely, The Entire Freaking World.

Im getting spam on Youtube now? Some a--hole sent me this, in response to my kids' birthday party video.

Did you know?

Spam is a canned precooked meatlike product made by Hormel Foods? It is made from chopped pork shoulder meat with ham meat added, cow assholes, salt, water, modified potato, swamp moss, starch as a binder, and sodium nitrite to help keep its color. Spam's gelatinous glaze, or "Spam-snot" forms from the cooling of meat stock, and makes everyone that has ever seen it nauseous.

WOW! Nice Vids!
Heya, "Heya"? This could only get worse.

Earlier today I was browsing through some of your videos and I have to say, I'm impressed. Oh, yeah. I'm the Martin Scorsese of filming my kids riding their bikes into our garage door.

I was puzzled by the fact that you had so few views, how come? Because all of my videos are of my kids riding their bikes into our garage door!
I personally think that your videos are better than 99% of the stuff on here! Why, sir: I am flattered. Dick.

For the first time in a while I found some videos that were pretty enjoyable to watch, kudos to you for that! :P Is this guy about to tell me that he is a Nigerian prince, and I can help him get millions of his family's dollars out of the country?

It's weird how people would rather watch the generic, boring, dull stuff instead of something fresh, original and interesting eh? Jesus, just hit me up for my credit card, already!

But in all honesty, I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to suffer from a low view count! Here's a trial to a service that I tried out on my videos to send them a ton of views (it's free to try) And $99.99 to buy!

http://tiny.xx/xxxxx

It sends a ton of views to your videos and helps you get ranked in the YouTube search engine. It's really good for getting the community to notice your material/channel. (At watercooler) "I can't believe how GREAT those videos of little kids denting garage doors are? How did we ever live without them."

If you try it out right ... Blah, blah, blah.

We all know how this ends: I follow the link, a Trojan Horse is installed on my laptop, and it becomes an unusable brick in 30 seconds.

Frankly, I am amazed that there isn't more universal outrage about this type of sh-t. And, more importantly, a shift from the "what can you do about it" mentality to a "I now live to make sure you are prosecuted" vigilantism.

I plan to do something about it, but, well, all of my family's money is being held by the Nigerian government.

But, you could help me with that...

(Just kidding.)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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