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Thursday, 19 August 2010

image for UPDATE: Hog Jaw People and Places

To keep everyone in the loop on who's who and what's what in Hog Jaw, Arkansas, here is a list of the characters so far that have come to life on the Spoof pages. I've updated it. From this point forward, I'll start a thread for updates instead of writing a new magazine article for the updates. that may work better. i will keep a master list of the list up to date and anyone needing a copy can PM me for it.

I've added sub-headings and I've alphabetized the townsfolk names to make it easier to find yours.

Have fun!

Upcoming Events
Hog Jaw Festival Days - Labor Day
Election Day sometime in September
Squirrel Holler County Fair - Labor Day

Places Near Hog Jaw, Arkansas which lies in Squirrel Holler County

Leaky Cock County
Drippy Dick Springs
Crap Apple
Toad Suck
Possum Snoot - Sheriff of Possum Snoot is Betchur Assboy
Manchester, England - Hog Jaw Sister City

High School
Hog Jaw High School - Principal, Elmer Chickabiddy III
Football Team - Boars, Hog Jaw Mountain Oysters Baton Twirlers

Municipal Services
City of Hog Jaw - Mayor Humphrey Dumpty - Former Mayor, Henry Blather
Deputy Mayor, Coroner and Medical Examiner, Rand Pawl
Hog Jaw Sheriff Dept - Sheriff Keith Barnes, Deputies Skippy Appleweather, Sam Spivens and Skeeter Spivens
Arkansas State Prison - Warden, Herman Goering Charpa
Mt. Trashmore - Garbage Dump

Businesses in Hog Jaw, Arkansas

DINERS, RESTAURANTS and BARS:
Pop's Main Street Diner
Bennie's All-Nite Truck Stop and Truck Wash - Owner Edna Smythe
Polar Princess Ice Cream Diner, Employee Hassie Diddlepuff - Mayor Dumpty's niece
Diddlepuff
Hog Jaw Tavern - employee Fifi LaRanch
Hog Jaw Sports Bar
Jerome's Tittie Bar - Owner, Jerome Saldinger
Lucinda's Rest-A-While Luncheonette

GAS STATIONS AND BAIT SHOPS
Main Street Gas, Tackle, Bait and Feed Store - employee Petherbride Brunel
Gleason's Bait Shop
Elmer's Gas 'n Go

VARIETY STORES
Hog Jaw Five and Dime
Southern States Hardware, Tanning Center and Airport
Farm Tractor Repair Shop and Chewing Tobacco Dispensing Outlet - Owners Doozie Mae and
Clem Diddlepuff

HEALTH, BEAUTY AND OTHER SERVICES
Hog Jaw Daily News - Editor, Vern Baker
Crawford's Marrying Parlor - Owner, Violet Crawford
Veterinarian Bertram Hayes
Dr. Titus Patootie
Hog Jaw Arthur Murray Studios - Owner, Edna Farkle
Jake's Barbershop
Insurance Company - Mutual of the Ozarks

THEATRES AND SOCIAL CLUBS
Cornbread Movie House - Owner, Elmer Fiddlefaddle (Recently blown to smithereens)
Sons of the Confederacy Memorial Restoration Project
First Baptist Church - Baptist Young Women's Christian Rifle Club
Hog Jaw High Society Ladies and Crank Producers of Hog Jaw County, Rusty Ballliquor is Granddame


Various Townsfolk

Skippy Appleweather, Sheriff Deputy
Betchur Assboy
Vern Baker, Editor
Rusty Ballliquor
Elvira Bradshaw
Buck, fireman
Lucy May Buckner, teacher
Buckner Triplets - Maybelline, Avon and Mary Kay
Herman Goering Charpa
Elmer Chickabiddy III, High School Principal
Violet Crawford
Doozie Mae Diddlepuff
Clem Diddlepuff
Hassie Diddlepuff
Humphrey Dumpty - Mayor
Colonel Dupree "Cottonballs" Buffetcorn, aka "Corny" - deceased soldier of earlier battle
Rufus "Sudsy" Buffetcorn, wife is Loretta Jo Buffetcorn, nee Funnydott
Mother-in-law is Flora Belle Bobbledell
Buttercup, horse running for Mayor
Sally Caldwell - Affair with Gene Perkins
Malverna C. Charpa, writer
Elroy Chattercork
May Cunningham - 92 years old
Lacey Davenport, singer
Laverne Deacon and husband Deacon Deacon, Grand Wizard of local KKK chapter
Agatha Paprika Dimplewater, aka Aggy Pappy
Mavis Dooley, does bird calls
Local Priest - Father Francois Dubois, SJ
Edna Farkle
Elmer Fiddlefaddle, owner of Cornbread Movie House
Juan Gonzalez - Only Mexican in Hog Jaw
Delores Hart - neighbor of Cletus Morgan
Moose Jackson, local moonshiner
Bill Jones
Bubba Larson
Jack Larsen, belches Star-spangled Banner
Lenny the Lumberjack and his wife Loreena
Lubner Lautner "Lube" also known as Dick Handsome, actor
Eunice Lulu McFribble
Bubba Joe McKinney
Cletus Morgan, trucker and his wife Ethyl, who is the PTA president
Mildred Perkins - grows giant zucchini, husband is Gene "Gherkin" Perkins
Elsie Piebottom is dating Chester down at the post office
Little Bobby Smith
Cooter and Ed Earl Pissgums, conjoined twins running for Mayor
Bobby Billy Pixiepup
Billy Porterwaggoner, only high school graduate
Pumpkinheimer Triplets, Steffy, Effy and Geffy
Miss Eula Ramer
Old Blue - Ramer's coonhound
Iceman - Ramer's father
Esther Sacktree
Jerome Saldinger
Earlene Scrotum, running for mayor
Gertie Scrotum
Priscilla Smappy
Sam Spivens and Skeeter Spivens, Sheriff Deputies
Edna Thorpe, owns Laundromat
Bessie mae Tickerbottom
Trailer Trash Women - Jolene Trashcan and Mabelline Trashcan, her daughter
Shirley Ugest
Elmo "Shorty" Waggoner, trucker
Jane Girl Walnut, daughter
John and Livie Walnut

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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