Written by slflyinghorse
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Tags: Alaska, Meat

Tuesday, 29 November 2005

This Just In - (Again).
And you thought meat only came from the Store wrapped in plastic.

A new Alaska Village program that was started by the VPSO (village public safety officer) is in full swing this month.

Actually it’s been struck down and is on its knees bleeding - drawing it’s last breath in fact, gurgling... choking! Sending steam into the air......

Delinquent Youth from the Village
(DYV) will butcher moose, caribou and pedestrians knocked down by speeding Alaska highway motorists.

“The plan is to provide packages of meat (and clothes) to the Village needy“, stated a Village press release just moments ago in a self unzipping zip packet powerpoint wiggling bundle that was emailed out to various state news and govt Agency’s.

When pressed further for info, the various news and state Agency’s couldn’t comment because they were too busy oggling the Fine fine village delicacy that had snuck her pics into the undulating zip packet.

Further attempts at contact were unsuccessful as everyone had quickly run from their desks to the bathroom. Later on reports from throughout the City of huge runs on ATM machines for dollar bills and fist fights in banks as dozens of city and state workers were jailed.

The YVC Inc Admin and all Dept Bobbleheads are scope locked on this new fledgling program to see if it will fly.

To see if it will be a hit, then a smash, then a misty blood cloud in the air.

A fine mist, a crunchy snappy hit followed by a sickly wail and a broken struggling waddle.......
streaming blood and feces into the underbrush.

(Editor: Chels, I think we Alaskans KNOW what happens to the poor creatures and the vehicles in a crash. I know, I’ve been in one twice)

“This is a team effort between our Young and the Elders and other needy folk in our Village” touted Chief Grandy Timmy.

“We chewed, and chewed and chewed on the issue all summer” huffed overweight Council member Kenny.

“Then we realized that we needed to dissect the matter more thoroughly and carefully weigh each matter... er.
Each package if you will, most copiously. Getting to the Heart of the matter if you will.” He laughed.

And what about those DYV that just don’t want to get the new threads, peds (shoes) and their CD players all bloodied up?

“We’ve opened up our Village Auto Shop” stated Council woman Sharalyn.
“Front end repair, we got it. New tires? We’ll do it.!”
We’ve made a deal with the Nations 3 top Auto insurers just last week”

It’ll give our DYV another chance at expanding their horizons and work skills while we expand our waistlines at home”.

YVC Inc News reporter extraordinaire Chelsea Talker can be reached by getting in close proximity to her and extending your arms in her direction.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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