Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 20 November 2005

image for More Dumb Questions The Dumb and Dumber guys have a soul mate.

In early November, I posted an article on dumb questions I had received at work. The following experience happened to one of my employees just a few days later.

Sometimes, people do not engage their brain before speaking and say something that, if they had thought, would never have sneaked past past the lips or tongue. The conversation here, however, tends to make me believe that this brain has not been out of "idle" for a long time.

The following was actually written and sent to me by that employee, so she should be the one getting writer's credit. So, actual credit should be given to Angel, "The Gecko Queen." Everything from this point on is hers:

On the subject of stupid customer questions, I just had a glory of an idiot.

Customer: "I want a pastrami sandwich, really hot."
Angel: "I'm sorry, sir. We don't have pastrami here."
Customer: "Why not? They have it in California."
Angel: "It didn't sell very well for us."
Customer: "Did you have it where people could see it?"
Angel: "It was on the menu, sir."
Customer: "Did you tell anyone?"
Angel: "If they asked what type of sandwiches we had, yes. Can I get you anything?" (VERY annoyed by now.)
Customer: "One of those ball thingies."
Angel: "I'm sorry?"
Customer: "One of those...don't you have a meatball sandwich?"
Angel: (deliberately looking at the menu) "Yes, sir."
Customer: "I'll have one of those."
Angel: "Six inch or a footlong?"
Customer: "What?"
Angel: "Would you like a six inch or a footlong sandwich?"
Customer: "How much is they?" (quoted verbatim)
Angel: (again, looking directly at the meatball on the menu) "$3.19 for a six-inch and $5.19 for a footlong, plus tax."
Customer: "So that's them with tax?"
Angel: "No, sir. The price is on the menu, and the tax comes separately."
Customer: "That much for a meatball?!?"
Angel: "Yes, sir."
Customer: "That's stupid!"
Angel: "I'm sorry sir. I don't set the prices. We are right at the national average."
Customer: "Fine, gimme a footlong."
Angel: "What kind of bread would you like?"
Customer: "What?"
Angel: "What kind of bread would you like, sir?"
Customer: "What do you got?"
Angel: "It's right in front of you sir."
Customer: "Where?"
Angel: "Right there, sir."
Customer: "Italian."
Angel: "White? Okay."
Customer: "No! Italian."
Angel: "It's the same thing, sir."
Customer: "I want wheat."
Angel: "Okay sir."
Customer: "Is that a twelve inch? How long is that?"
Angel: "A foot, sir."
Customer: "It doesn't look like it."
Angel: (switching the loaf for an exact replica) "This better, sir?"
Customer: "Yeah."
Angel: "And it was a meatball? Would you like it toasted?"
Customer: "It's not hot?"
Angel: "The meatballs are, the bread and cheese are not."
Customer: "What's toasted?"
Angel: "Like in a toaster oven?"
Customer: "So it's not hot."
Angel: "Yes, sir. The meatballs are hot, the bread is not. Toasting it melts the cheese and gives the bread a little crunch."
Customer: "So if it's hot, why do you want to toast it?"
Angel: "I was just asking if you'd like it that way, sir."
Customer: "How long does it take?"
Angel: "About twenty seconds."
Customer: "I haven't got that long, I'm in a hurry."

...

Total conversation time: 9 minutes
Sandwich made in: 45 seconds


This guy deserves a golden Idiotic Question award for November.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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