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Friday, 23 July 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Evil Medieval to Jump Beatty Creek Twenty Miles an Hour Should Do It

Cowes - Local daredevil Evil Medieval plans on resurrecting his career this weekend by attempting to jump the Carrollton Branch of Beatty Creek in a "State-of-the art" wooden ox-cart.

A heavy timber carpenter from Rookley, Medieval rocketed to fame in the 1950's when he broke the Isle of Wight land speed record for ox-carts by shaving three days off of the passage from Freshwater to Sandown maintaining an incredible speed of seventeen miles an hour across Britt Run and Corrowaugh Swamp and only breaking down once to fix a wheel at Rookley.

News soon reached the mainland of the exploits of Evil Medieval's racing prowess and he was soon a front runner on the national ox-cart circuit winning championships at Blackpool and Burnley in 1954 and 1956.

Having reached the pinnacle of racing success Medieval returned home to Rookley where he honed his skills as a daredevil, thrilling crowds from Ryde to Brightstone with attempts to race his ox-cart up over ramps and go airborne over an increasing number of vintage ox-carts parked below.

Not content with crashing on his first attempt and breaking his ribcage Evil was soon back on his cart attempting even more challenging jumps over two or three oxcarts breaking his leg twice, dislocating his arm and fracturing his skull in the process.

Evil says coming out of retirement for this weekend's jump over the Carrollton Branch of Beatty Creek may be his biggest challenge ever. Always one to push technology Medieval has upgraded his oxcart to use "Open-spoke technology" and hopes to get his oxen to a full gallop down Jenkins Swamp before hitting a wooden ramp constructed at the six foot chasm to the creek at twenty miles per hour which he reckons will be about as fast as his team can go.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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