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Monday, 12 July 2010

image for Isle Of Wight News - Bicycle Temporarily Stolen Pedal Like The Clappers!

Ryde police detective Doctor Victor Nicholas (he moonlights as a proctologist and pirate sometimes, juggling three disparate careers) this morning issued a warning to Ryde residents not to leave their bicycles unattended, following the temporary theft of a bicycle from outside the Oasis Bar, Grill And Steakhouse on Ryde Esplanade in the early hours.

Local man, Stag Bullwinkle, who had been watching the World Cup Final on TV in HD, finally emerged after celebrating a Spanish victory only to find that the bicycle he intended wobbling his way home on had disappeared.

Detective Doctor Vic told us:

"We take this kind of thing very seriously here in Ryde. It's not unusual for casual passers by to hop on an unprotected bike and pedal like the clappers away from the scene in order to get home quicker. To get to the toilet or something. We once had a similar incident when I worked on the serious crime squad in Camberley, Surrey, when a couple of jokers nicked a bike from outside the Four Horseshoes pub. Luckily, we found the bike on the Frimley Road. We suspect the culprits were a Mancunian and a Geordie, although we couldn't prove it at the time. But we've got our eyes on these sinister men."

Fortunately, Stag Bullwinkle's bicycle, which he bought on the cheap at Halford's was recovered a short distance away, having been abandoned by the felons, and returned to its rightful owner.

"You can't be complacent though," Detective Doctor Vic said. "These bloody bike borrowers are getting to be a real nuisance. We'll be ever vigilant."

Stag Bullwinkle had to push his bike home because he couldn't walk in a straight line, and he needed something to lean on lest he fall over.

More (or less) as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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