Written by Leddy
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Sunday, 11 July 2010

An Unwelcome Premonition - I was sitting in the grass along Ravens St. in the old town where I lived when my attention was captivated by the roaring sound of a powerful engine with a huge propeller whipping at the air over-head.

I jumped to my feet and looked up and saw what looked like a military cargo plane heading in my direction. It was about six-hundred feet off the ground and flying way too low to be over a residential neighborhood.

As the plane passed overhead I saw the rear door open up and military looking paratroopers wearing black fatigues starting to bail out and fire automatic rifles at people on the ground. I instinctively started thinking about where I could get my hands on a gun to fight back but I didn't have a clue at the time.

Just then, I heard the firing of an automatic rifle from one of the paratroopers who had landed on the ground. I looked down the street and saw people would had been sitting at the outdoor café being tore to shreds by the marauder's bullets.

Glass mixed with blood and body parts now covered the patio where they had been eating and the sight of it made my stomach feel queasy and nauseated. I started running in the opposite direction from the carnage trying to think of where I could get my hands on a gun but I couldn't think of any place to get one because since the newly passed firearms ordinance had taken effect no one in town was allowed to have a gun for personal protection, only law enforcement personnel were allowed to carry them.

I heard the screeching of tires from a speeding automobile and look behind me and saw a police car fish tailing around a corner. The patrolman had a very concerned look on his face as he raced passed me heading right into the mayhem. As he approached the area of the cafe massacre, a rocket was launched from somewhere down the block and it hit his car broadside and with an ear shattering explosion and simultaneous fire ball, the patrolman and his car both disintegrated before my eyes and all that was left was smoke that bellowed up from his burning tires.

I ran down the street and over to the high school, by this time everybody in the area was running out of their houses in a panic trying to get away from the murdering paratroopers who were shooting at anything that moved. There were bodies all over the street, humans laid to waste of every age and nationality. I picked up a rock and threw it through a window of the school office building and then reached my hand inside the metal frame and opened what was left of the window and hopped inside. Just then, there was a tremendous explosion and as I turned around to take a look, I could see bricks and re bar falling from the sky where the bank used to be.

I ran over to a radio that was sitting on a desk and turned it on. I began spinning the station dial looking for some news about the attack but there wasn't any to be found.

"How could it be that no one was reporting the attack," I thought to myself in despair. "Without help we're just like helpless ducks on a pond," I said in a nervous and scared tone of voice. Then I became really angry that none of us in town were allowed to have guns because of the new gun ban law and I shouted, "What kind of fools are we? We're all going to die just like ducks on a pond during hunting season. How dumb can we be to take away our only means of defending ourselves?"

I started hearing the screams and shouts of terrified people running down the hallways of the school, and the ear piercing blasts of automatic rifle fire cutting them down. I crawled under a desk and prayed to God that they wouldn't kill me too.

Just then, the office door burst open and I could hear the shuffling sound of movement all around the room. I squeezed myself further back up under the desk in hopes that I wouldn't be seen, as I did, I heard the bone chilling growling and snarling of a K9 coming right at me and before I knew it, a huge beast was hysterically barking and snapping its long, drooling fang teeth right next to me. Someone then yelled out, "Here he is, we got him now!"

The mad dog was pulled back from me and two men grabbed my arms and pulled me out from under the desk. I was terrified and was about to scream out, "please don't kill me" but was hit in the eyes with a full can of pepper spray (it really burned). I was then booked by the local authorities for breaking and entering of a public facility; as I was driven away by the police I swore to myself that I would never again take anymore of my medication than what my doctor had prescribed.

Monday morning I was let out on an O.R. My time in jail had be worse than my "Unwelcome Premonition," and my back side was killing me but my G.R. money was available and so was my prescription so things weren't all that bad.

I headed towards the local market to get something to eat when all of a sudden, a tremendous swarm of Killer Bees (originally from South America) began attacking and stinging to death everybody within a 10 mile radius.

I fought the bees off of me with a rolled up menu from the local greasy spoon restaurant (Mickey's Fine Food). However, one of the bees stung me on the back of my head and since I was allergic to bees my head swelled up 4 times its size, my brain did too. This gave me superhuman intelligence and I figured out for the first time in my life that most people work for a living instead of bumming off of the state.

I began running down the street headed towards the park, I was going to do my American duty and throw all of my G.R. money and my food stamp card in the water there. I ran through the grass and up to the pond and guess what I saw there? You guessed it, "Ducks On A Pond." This had a profound effect on my psyche and made me think about when I was sitting in the grass along Ravens Street, in the old town where I lived when my attention was captivated by the roaring sound of a powerful engine with a huge propeller whipping at the air over-head.

I jumped to my feet and looked up and saw what looked like a military cargo plane heading in my direction. It was about six-hundred feet off the ground and flying way too low to be over a residential neighborhood.

As the plane passed overhead I saw the rear door open up and military looking paratroopers wearing black fatigues starting to bail out and fire automatic rifles at people on the ground. I instinctively started thinking about where I could get my hands on a gun to fight back but I didn't have a clue at the time.

Just then, I heard the firing of an automatic rifle from one of the paratroopers who had landed on the ground. I looked down the street and saw people would had been sitting at the outdoor café being tore to shreds by the marauder's bullets.

Glass mixed with blood and body parts now covered the patio where they had been eating and the sight of it made my stomach feel queasy and nauseated. I started running in the opposite direction from the carnage trying to think of where I could get my hands on a gun but I couldn't think of any place to get one because since the newly passed firearms ordinance had taken effect no one in town was allowed to have a gun for personal protection, only law enforcement personnel were allowed to carry them.

I heard the screeching of tires from a speeding automobile and look behind me and saw a police car fish tailing around a corner. The patrolman had a very concerned look on his face as he raced passed me heading right into the mayhem. As he approached the area of the cafe massacre, a rocket was launched from somewhere down the block and it hit his car broadside and with an ear shattering explosion and simultaneous fire ball, the patrolman and his car both disintegrated before my eyes and all that was left was smoke that bellowed up from his burning tires.

I ran down the street and over to the high school, by this time everybody in the area was running out of their houses in a panic trying to get away from the murdering paratroopers who were shooting at anything that moved. There were bodies all over the street, humans laid to waste of every age and nationality. I picked up a rock and threw it through a window of the school office building and then reached my hand inside the metal frame and opened what was left of the window and hopped inside. Just then, there was a tremendous explosion and as I turned around to take a look, I could see bricks and re bar falling from the sky where the bank used to be.

I ran over to a radio that was sitting on a desk and turned it on. I began spinning the station dial looking for some news about the attack but there wasn't any to be found.

"How could it be that no one was reporting the attack," I thought to myself in despair. "Without help we're just like helpless ducks on a pond," I said in a nervous and scared tone of voice. Then I became really angry that none of us in town were allowed to have guns because of the new gun ban law and I shouted, "What kind of fools are we? We're all going to die just like ducks on a pond during hunting season. How dumb can we be to take away our only means of defending ourselves?"

I started hearing the screams and shouts of terrified people running down the hallways of the school and the ear piercing blasts of automatic rifle fire cutting them down. I crawled up under a desk and counted 90,210 pieces of gum stuck up under there....

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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