Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 4 July 2010

image for Letters To The Editor Which We Retrieved From The Bin

Sir

I used to quite enjoy browsing your website, and reading salacious tales about vaginas, vuvuzelas, and Victory-V lozenges. However, I feel that I must complain about some of the site's current advertisers. The ones with all the little brain teasers. I come here to laugh at the rude stories, not sit a mock GCSE Maths exam. I mean, if I qualified for MENSA membership, I'd hardly be reading Spoofs, now would I? Think on.

Sir Melvin M'Naughton, Virginia Water.

Sir,

My best mate Howard - who's a right laugh - told me a cracking joke today. Best joke I've heard in years. Trouble is, I've forgotten it now. It was something to do with three blokes in a taxi with an octopus in a washing up bowl, and a policeman. But I can't remember the story, or the punchline. It was a cracker though.

J B Walton, Chalk Farm.

Sir,

I have a problem with my wife. She's always cooking fish fingers. I don't know why she does it, because neither of us are that keen on fish fingers, but she trots them out every single meal time. It's been going on for about four months now. I think it might make a fairly funny Spoof news item in your on-line site.

Clive Mackerel, Cape Cod.

Sir,

I'd never have believed that elephants could climb trees, but after watching an ad for an HD TV today, I've changed my mind. You can see the elephant climb up the tree, right to the very top. Quite agile he is too. Who'd have thought it?

Donald Sidecar, Middle Wallop.

Sir,

My husband and I are spending a nice Sunday evening at home waiting for Alan Carr - Chatty Man to come on at ten o'clock. In the meantime, we're waiting for Big Brother to finish. What a load of old fucking shit that is - it's just people moping around in a house talking bollocks. We won't be watching that again, I can tell you.

Elizabeth Windsor, Windsor.

Sir,

I'm with Donald Sidecar on this one. I think the telly is brilliant, and it opens up whole new horizons. Just today I saw some talking meerkats selling car insurance. I didn't know that meerkats could talk until now. Amazing!

Norman Brush, Westward Ho!

Sir,

I just remembered that joke that my mate Howard told me - the one about the three blokes in a taxi with an octopus in a washing up bowl and a policeman. No...it's gone again...

J B Walton, Chalk Farm.

Have you forgotten a joke recently? Or watched Big Brother in Windsor Castle? If so, we'd love to hear from you in the Mag Section. We won't bother reading your shit, but we're getting quite adept at tossing screwed up balls of paper in the bin.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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