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Thursday, 1 July 2010

image for Nick Clogg reveals plans to abolish 'bad' laws

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clogg has revealed plans to abolish unnecessary laws in a bid to shift the balance of power from the state to the people.

The moves are intended to bolster the Coalition pledge that policy makers don't make law. People do.


I asked a cross section of society what laws they would like to see repealed.

The Smoker

Speaking from a 6 inch hole in his throat celebrity smoker Alex Huggons, 86, said "I'd like to be able to av a fag in a pub again" he wheezed.

"I used to love avin a burn after a meal in a restaurant. Best one of the day I reckon. All gone. Maybe that's why i don't eat anymore. No post-meal smoke to look forward to" mused the three stone Irishman.

The Drug Taker

Regular drug user George Michaels, 48, would like to see all drugs legalised.

"My career went up in smoke all cos of one 'Careless Bifter, off a good friend' he reflected. "And there was that toilet incident but I don't want to talk about that. All I've got to say is that Last Christmas I was pushed into a Different Corner and little by little they brought me to me knees" he declared firmly.

"So yes, I'm hoping drugs are made legal. Cos you gotta have Faith!"

The Adulterer

Diminutive footballer Ashley Cool, 28, would like to see a relaxing of the adultery laws.

He explained "What I do in the comfort of some other girls hotel room is my business and nobody elses" he argued.

"Anyway, those alleged pictures of me with that bird? Prove it was me" he said defiantly.

"Those pictures were taken on an Iphone and everybody knows the inferior camera quality is well documented".

"It could easily have been Jimmy Bullard in those shots" he pressed on.

Spoof reader

Emma Bargo, 19, from Dudley thinks it's time English sport was outlawed.

"I watched the England v Germany game and would lock up the entire squad and throw away the key. It's criminal what they did. My boyfriend, Mark, says you can't legislate for that, however".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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