Written by Inchcock
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Tags: Jobs

Friday, 18 June 2010

image for New Job Centre Disclaimer Announced

The third Secretary to the second Secretary to the permanent Under Secretary, of the secretary of the Minister of State for Work and Pensions, announced this week that in an effort to protect the Government from irresponsible claims for compensation, a 'National Job Centre Disclaimer' is to be introduced. This is to be presented to unemployed personages, in 25 languages, Braille, and gobbledygook. (Readers and translators can be supplied).

The proposed draft which has already been presented to MPs, to be considered, validated, discussed, and then allotted a time for voting on at a later date, is outlined below:

By signing on with the esteemed Job Centre , you are automatically given the rights and privileges of:

• Going financially bankrupt

• To be humiliated, frustrated, and maligned

• Falling into deep painful depressions

• To attempt suicide (advice available on application)

• To become a social outcast

• For you to have your ex-friends excommunicate you


With the bill having to go through the House of Lords, our reporter Inchcock Chambers was sent to get the feeling of some of the House of Lords members. Here are some of the responses.

Lord Wilberforce Iamok: "Unemployed? Hang um!"

Lord Ahmed Ahmed: "Blow um up, scum!"

Baroness Pickflowers (Ex speechwriter to Tony Blair): "I feel sure the predominantly lower classes that are represented in the total apprehension detailed in 1934 are sure to... What was the question again?"

Lord Gotallot: "We'll fight um on the beaches!"

Baron Gotgout: "Unemployed... unemployed, where do they come from, what are they...?"

Further details to follow, when we can find Inchcock, currently lost while trying to get out of the House of Lords.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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