Written by IainB
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Friday, 28 May 2010

image for Why I have been banned from every fast food joint in Stockport How is that BLACK?

I'll start by making my apologies. I can be a little bit grumpy at times, especially when I am lacking in Vitamin Caffeine. However, that said, I feel that banning me from every McDonald's, Burger King, Kentucky Fried Chicken and the like in the Royal Borough of Stockport was slightly harsh.

McDonald's were the first. It was early. I walked in bleary eyed and asked quite plainly for a black coffee.

"Would you like anything else with that?" asked the youth behind the till.

"A cup would be ideal, hot coffee tends to leave blisters if you hold it in your palms," was my reply.

Well, the manager was called and I believe my name went onto some kind of list. I never did get my coffee.

At lunch time, some days later, I was in Burger King. I spent some time at the till, and the cashier was getting a little impatient, despite me being the only person waiting. Eventually, on seeing nothing I wanted, I asked for a large fries.

"Would you like fries with that?" asked the twit.

"I would have thought it quite normal to get fries with an order of fries," I replied, maybe a little too acerbically. "Were I not to get fries with my order of fries, you could say I would get a little upset."

Once again, I was escorted from the premises, sans order.

Stuck working late a couple of days later, with KFC the only place open where I wasn't barred, I popped in. Feeling that I had learned from my earlier mistakes, I decided what I wanted while stood by the door.

"A chicken burger, with large fries and a black coffee, please." I stressed the please.

"Would you like to go super size?" asked the genderless serving moron.

"Well, if you're admitting it will make me fat, I think you're being rather rude," I told them.

Maybe I have one of those faces, but again I was asked to leave without seeing hide nor hair of my chicken.

My barring did not end with solely the fast food establishments, because I am no longer welcome at Starbucks either, having asked for a black Americano, quite importantly mentioning the BLACK aspect of the drink, when I was presented with a WHITE Americano and asked: "Will there be anything else?" the only thing I could ask was: "Yes, for you to magically remove the milk you added to my drink contrary to my explicit instructions."

I don't have this problem in clothes shops. Not yet anyway.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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