Written by Guy Bellefonte
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Saturday, 8 May 2010

image for Backing Up a Toilet During a Party Is #1 Party Foul The Ultimate Party Foul

Reader's Digest came out with their top 10 party fouls list and it is no surprise that backing up a toilet at a party is at the top of that list. This event is troubling enough at your own house, but when it happens during a party at a friends house, it is nearly impossible to redeem yourself. Some experts call this, "The Ultimate Party Foul." No host wants to be interrupted with this situation while flipping burgers and entertaining guests. Here are 3 great steps that can discreetly get you out of this situation. Take notes because there are no re-tests during the actual surprise exam

Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! These are typically the words we repeat once it is realized that the toilet water is backing up and about to overflow onto the floor. So now what?

Step #1. Cut off the water supply.

The sea is rising at an alarming rate and your time is running out. The average toilet allows just 3.7 seconds before it begins to overflow onto the floor. Your first task is to cut off the water supply. The knob is usually located on the bottom left if you are facing the toilet. Immediately turn the faucet clockwise until the water stops. Your first turn needs to be forceful because it may stick. Once you have stopped the water you can take a brief second to relax. The mess is contained and manageable. If you did not stop the water in time the results are catastrophic and you may want to jump to Step 3: Planning your exit strategy.

Step #2. Take note of your surroundings and be resourceful

As you scan the bathroom, your first task is to see if the bathroom has a fan or a window that you can open. Clearing the air is key and will help later on when we review your exit strategy.

Now that the air is being moved around, you need to assess the situation in the toilet.

A. Is the water moving slowly in a spiral shape or is it still? If the water is still, you have really done a number on the toilet and completely clogged it. If the water is moving, that's good. Wait until the water has slowly gone down, then plunge if possible.

B. Is there a plunger available? If yes, you are in excellent shape. Take the plunger and place it around the opening in the toilet. You may need to use the plunger as a ladle to move around the feces and toilet paper. Once you have the plunger over the opening, begin to move it up and down forcefully. Continue until the remaining water has been sucked down. Then you can turn the water back on, wash your hands and move on to step 3.

C. No plunger in the bathroom? This is a bad situation, especially if the toilet is completely clogged and the water is hovering close to the top. There are two suggestions that you can follow. Use your cell phone to call a friend/spouse that is at the same party. See if they can sneak away, find a plunger and get it to you fast. Otherwise you may just want to walk away from the situation and pray that the finger does not get pointed in your direction once someone finds the crime scene.

Step #3. Planning your exit strategy

If you study these techniques and are lucky enough to have a plunger in the room, your exit strategy is simple. The entire process should haven taken only 5 minutes. Maybe a few guests heard you splashing around in there, but there is no real evidence of your adventure. Walk out of the bathroom with confidence and without remorse.

Should you have a still water situation with no plunger, all is not lost yet. Quietly open the bathroom door and look around. Have you been spotted by a party guest? Is the bathroom in a remote location? Is there a line waiting to be next?

If you believe that no one has seen you go in or leave, you could just walk away and pretend like it did not occur. Or you could play hero and make a big deal about "someone" chunking up the toilet and offer to fix the problem.

Should there be a line, your options are limited. Your best bet is try out some humor on the crowd. Here are a few lines that may help:

"Sorry folks, the toilet is not up for seeing guests right now"
"Feel free to take your chances in there, the toilet is backed up and there's only two inches of real estate left"
"Would you guys believe me if I said it was like that when I got here?"

Finally, you can be abrasive and proud. Shout, "I refuse to apologize for my high fiber diet!" "My bowel movements do not define me, nor do they tarnish my reputation."

Good luck and I hope these tips are useful.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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