Written by Guy Bellefonte
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Tags: Farting

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

image for Fart Crop Dusting Awareness Day Held On Cinco De Mayo

We've all been in a crowded pack of people and suddenly fallen victim to a mystery fart crop duster. One minute you're talking to your friend and the next, you're gasping for air and playing detective. Was it the fat guy in front of you or the suspicious senior citizen on your right?

Kip Givens, Fart Crop Dusting Spokesperson hopes to discourage this type of behavior by creating awareness about this disgusting phenomena on Cinco de Mayo.

"We want to encourage everyone to enjoy delicious Mexican food and have a great time this Cinco de Mayo. What we want to avoid is the unnecessary crop dusting that often happens at crowded bars, theaters, shopping malls and other congested areas," Givens said.

"Our goal is to see crowds of people having a good time while keeping unwanted flatulence out of the equation. We're hoping our "Whoever Smelt It Dealt It" billboards will help us spread the word in addition to our aggressive undercover agents who will thrust themselves into the busiest crowds in an attempt to out guilty crop dusting individuals," Givens added.

The association itself acknowledges that this will be no easy task.

For the farter, it's the perfect crime. Extremely hard to prove and very easy to blame on someone else. A quick wave in front of your nose and a look of disgust might as well be the equivalent of a passed polygraph test.

So why do people crop dust [see also Jet Wash]? Is someone angry and looking to seek revenge, even if it puts innocent people at risk? Was it an accident? Maybe they didn't think it would smell, only to deeply regret their decision seconds later. Do people randomly gravitate to the nucleus of a crowd, crop dust, and escape undetected just for the rush?

Can this be avoided? Let's say you're attending a seminar and the leader announces that there will be a five minute break. Should they add a quick line to prevent this from happening? "We're going to take our break now, so we'll see everyone back in five minutes. And as a courtesy, please no crop dusting on your way out of the room."

If you happen to notice someone crop dusting this Cinco De Mayo, the proper protocol is to yell, "Crop Duster!" and make a citizens arrest until a member from Given's organization can arrive on the scene to enforce their law.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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