Written by jlurcott
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Tags: Deaf, Guitar

Sunday, 10 July 2005

image for Tone Deaf Dude Refuses To Stop Playing Guitar Misguided Persistence

It start outs nobley enough: the persuit of a new hobby. Though, as time passes and it often becomes apparent to everybody except the persuier of the hobby should be encouraged to "persue other activities that are better suited to them". Typically, an intervention isn't required to weane the hobby from the 'person' because their total lack of an attention span usually substitutes quite nicely. The ideal situation is to quietly replace the tools used to undertake the hobby and replace them with something else.

It's an unfortunate occurance, but an all too often one. Too many people live in constant denial about thier skill level in any given vehicle that allows us to escape, at least in our minds, the quiet desperation most people are confined to.

One of the most obvious persuits of imagined glory is music. Only a select few who pick up an instrument ever accomplish much beyond achieving an intermediate level of skill. But, there are a select few who fail to master anything about their hobby.

These people, while they have good intentions, eventually become more of a nuisance to those around them as they fail to play the signature chord of Smoke On The Water correctly. Often, they are unaware of their underachievement and continue to stubbornly persue their newfound hobby long beyond the threshold of annoyance. Worse, this behavior is often a long time habit leaving the 'person' with plenty of wasted raw determination and perservereance better spent on other activities.

So, what happens when somebody, who's totally tone dead and has a habit of taking on things they have no real chance at ever doing well at, buys a guitar? Well, depending on how long they, in this case he, is willing to devote to the persuit of making somewhat coordinated noise come out of a guitar, really makes the difference between humoring the person and throwing rocks at them.

"It sounds good to me" says area dude, chonchy, who likes to rip off The Onion's tagline, concerning the degree to which the noise he just made resembles Van Halen's "Dance The Night Away". It's not that tone deaf people are unable to play the notes, they just can't quite figure out how to play them with any sense of rthymn without listening to the given record while playing. "Even when I have the record on, it's tough to follow along. Usually I rip it to my computer and slow it down, listen to it about 80 times, practice and repeat. It's really tedious, but I eventually pick it ups." Chonchy continued.

Worse, is the denial people like this live in. "It's like karoake" Chonchy said. "if you take away what i'm singing/playing along with, i'm screwed. But, with the backing music I can rock out".

"That's the typical deluuusion most tone deaf people suffer from, imagined rhtymn. In their minds, it sounds great, just like their singing voice does. Once you get it onto tape, they're eyes bug out, the tape is stricken from existance, and they refuse to ever speak of that "tape" again. People who think they're funny, cool, tall etc. suffer from a similar thing. It's really an imagined reality with no basis in our dimension. It's not unique to musical capacity at all, says professor Click Click (he's alive and is a professor now too!)

"The worst was when he tried to sing along to Van Halen's Runaround", said friend Justin. For those of you who have neve heard the song, a notoriously difficult song to play in a live setting that showcases any rhtymical deficientcies a person may have. Now, whether you like the version of Van Halen with Sammy Hagar or not, odds are the old fat guy at the bar will have a better shot at the girls that night if you attempt to karoake that song. (there's a reason nobody does that song)

"It's not that bad because whenever I hear him try to play he never plugs in the guitar, and I just kinda turn up the television or tune him out" says friend, Justin.

*cue credit roll and visual of poor guitar playing followed by mr. gruitarist telling you "it's over" and to "go home" whilist he hammers out random noise.*

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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