Written by Ben Salz
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Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Who said most professional golfers are fat ugly drunks who deal with their sexual frustrations by whacking the shit out of a golf ball?

Actually, I did, but Tiger has certainly changed my perception.

Perhaps Tiger represents the 21st Century golfer - a slimmer more muscular fellow, who is still ugly (he looks like the child of Minnie Mouse and Nat King Cole), but much more strategic about getting laid.

The 21st Century golfer figures that if the caddy knows "clubs" and how to "get it into the hole", what better person to be in charge of lining up hot young women desperately seeking their 15 minutes of fame and a meal ticket.

I'm just wondering if Tiger's caddy used a golf scorecard to track all of his conquests. "So, let's see, Mr. Woods, you only had 2 secret dates before nailing that really hot Par 5 waitress....we'll score that as a 'spread eagle'."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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