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Monday, 19 April 2010

image for Mary Potter and the Tempest in Her Womb  - FINALE Armo clean-shaven

Mary, Armo, Chubby the Brown and Billy the Connolly, travelled together through the countryside for two weeks.

Chubby and Billy put on shows in each of the villages they passed through. People threw coins at their feet. These coins helped pay for food and lodgings when they came to a village where Armo knew no persons with whom to lodge.

In one village there was a trial being held. A young serf named Meg, had been accused of stealing a loaf of bread.
She was sentenced to Ordeal by Fire.

Mary, Armo, Chubby and Billy hung around for the trial.

"Foresooth Armo, what is abouteth to happen?" asked a curious Mary.

"Me thinketh thou should not be watching dearest Mary. 'Tis not for the faint of heart. I have witnessed such a trial before."

"Oh Armo, let me watch. I implore thee."

"OK," agreed Armo, "but don't say I didn't warneth thee."

The foursome headed for the village square where the trial was to be held.

Young Meg was brought to the square by two burly serfs sporting huge biceps.

Then the Priest arrived.

The Blacksmith got a good hot fire going and dropped into it a metal ball the size of a small apple.

After ten minutes or so, the Priest used tongs to pick up the red hot metal ball. Meg's right hand was held out by one of the burly serfs and the Priest dropped the red hot metal ball onto Meg's hand. She was to walk forward 3 paces and drop the ball.

Following this, Meg's hand was wrapped with a piece of cloth by the Priest.

"What happens now?" whispered Mary to Armo.

"Well," explained Armo. In three days time the bandage will be removed and if there is a blister on her hand half the size of a walnut, that will prove she is guilty of stealing the bread."

"Then what?" asked a distressed Mary.

"Then, if she HAS a blister it means she IS guilty. The punishment for a thief is that their right hand will be cutteth off."

"Oh no!" screamed Mary, "That is so not fair Arlo. Anyone holding a hot metal ball will haveth a blister. Are these people idiots?"

"I knoweth not Mary. But that is the law around here. We cannot stayeth here to see the verdict. We must moveth on."

The foursome journeyed for 4 more days and did come across a camp where Sir Phookalot and his fellow knights were camping out.

Mary didn't feel like approaching her 'lover' straight away.

Armo suggested they sleep somewhere in the woods and approach the Knights on the morrow.

Chubby the Brown and Billy the Connolly bade Mary and Armo farewell as they had a gig in the next village to get to.

Dawn, dawned. Armo sat up and stretched.

Mary sat up and gave out the loudest longest burp Armo had ever heard from a lady, followed by a humongous fart.

Following the burp and flatulence - Mary looked sheepishly at Armo and said,

"Oh Armo my friend. I feareth I have something strange to relate to you. Please don't get madeth at me."

"What is it dear Mary?" Armo enquired.

"Well, Armo my dearest neweth friend and travelling companion. When I leteth out the loudest and longest burp you had ever heard from a lady and the humongous fart - my swollen stomach went flateth - look!"

Armo looked at the once swollen stomach of Mary Potter. It was indeed, - now flat.

"Armo - don't get your tights in a knot but it seemeth I just had really bad, indegestion, heart burn and gas. I am so sorry.?"

"You mean....you mean....What the hell do you mean Mary?"

"I mean, dearest Armo. I'm not pregnant after all..........."

THE END

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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