Written by Frank Michaels
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 5 April 2010

image for Stranger Than Truth: Meet the Qeux Family Bubba Qeux's favorite 'scattergun'.

Scanning the covered deck that spans the entire length of the home, there is large barrel grill, an axe, a loaded shotgun and two red & white coolers, both fully stocked with ice and cold beer.

The view of the backyard from this point includes a 6 ft. wrap-around privacy fence that holds within its confines two old Ford pick up trucks, a broken commode that now serves as a planter, a fully rigged bass boat on a trailer, the obligatory woodshed and a large brindle pit bull dog named 'Holler' stretched out in the shade of a pecan tree.

"We own 'bout 7 more acres all 'round us but fencing that much in was gonna be a little expensive." says property owner Bubba Quex of Redbottom, Mississippi, who has today invited the Stranger Than Truth team over for an exclusive interview for thespoof.com.

Bubba and Sandy Qeux have lived in Redbottom since they were both children. After they met in the automotive department of the local Walmart Super Center in 1998, they moved in together and a year later, married just 4 months before the arrival of their first child, son Purvis. "Little ol' Purv weighed in at 8 pounds, 12 ounces at birth." confessed a petite Sandy Qeux. "I was in the stirrups for nearly 3 hours trying to s**t that monster out!"

Sitting down with Bubba, we felt like we should try and clear up some of those old stereotypes of southerners. "No, Sandy ain't my cousin. But as for my sister, Kimmy? Now, she was damned sure one fine bit of girl-flesh, if you don't mind my saying so."

And what about a still? Most stereotypes depict southerners as hillbilly moonshiners. "I did try my hand at shinin' for a spell. But the first and only batch was better as lawnmower fuel than for drinking."

He went on to correct one particular misconception in terminology as well, "This ain't no damned trailer! It is a double-wide manufactured home!"

In the middle of our interview, something got Bubba's attention and he yelled for his 11-year-old son to get his shotgun."Purv, grab the scattergun! Them Culpepper boys are down here again trying to steal your Momma's tomatoes from the vine! Pepper their asses good this time!"

With that, Purvis Qeux raced out the door with the weapon and fired both barrels at the fleeing kids in the distance. "I think I got one of 'em, Dad." he said proudly.

As things settled down a bit, we strolled out to the family garden that was growing those tomatoes, along with squash, peppers, cucumbers, green beans and of course, water melons. "It's like a war around here sometimes." Bubba said. "The price of groceries has gotten so bad that some folks will try and steal what they can't afford to buy. We got one buried out back by the fence what came calling in the middle of the night a few months ago. We didn't never find out who he was so... we just give him a prayer and planted him where the dogs and coyotes couldn't dig him up."

Suddenly, the mood of the entire visit seemed to darken. We couldn't believe that someone could be killed for trespassing and then, just dropped into a hole and forgotten.

"Well, normally we only use little birdshot but after dark, we load up with buck just because you can't never tell who's out there." explained Bubba.

"There are folks what disappear around these parts all the time. Sometimes it's just a couple of lost yankee tourist types, but others are pretty mean. You really gotta be ready for whatever comes."

As sunset approached, the Stranger Than Truth crew began to get a little twitchy about sticking around any longer. And so while we still could, we said goodbye to the Qeux family and returned to our hotel about ten miles away... along with the bright, welcoming lights of the interstate.

__/|\__

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top