Written by Jim Finnerly
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Sunday, 21 March 2010

image for Chief Examiner puts the 'less' back into lessons

Today, educational giants announced that it was no longer necessary to teach students any factual knowledge in schools. We interviewed the new Asian chief examiner, Fu. King. R. Tard to hear his reasons.

Interviewer: So, why should students no longer need to learn facts?

Tard: Well, your question is certainly a question, we have no doubt about that. I like to think of questions as thought provokers. For instance, in the recent A level Biology exam I supplied the question, 'How do you solve a problem like Maria? (mention the words 'shrew' and 'blue geese' in your answer)'. Now many narrow minded students struggled with this question, but the ones that did give a sufficient answer left their minds open, like a blank canvas, for which I could explode all over with joy and passion.

Interviewer: Nice answer, what would you recommend to replace the factual content commonly taught in lessons?

Tard: Students will still be working hard, but they will be working hard in different areas to those previously done. Take the topic of velocity in physics, some might say that students should learn to apply the skills learnt to new problems, or matters that relate to real life difficulties. This is an old train of thought, and will not be tolerated in the new regime, sorry, not regime, I mean new 'success helping in teaching', or S.H.I.T. The thing about S.H.I.T is that it is misunderstood by many. Some say it should be flushed out of the educational system, or excreted from our coffee drinking teachers, but we believe S.H.I.T is the best medicine. Metaphorically speaking, S.H.I.T will be forced down the students mouths, and we're hoping it will go down smooth. Back to the physics example, students could calculate the velocity of S.H.I.T coming out of my mouth, and let me tell you, this value would be very high right now.

Interviewer: Any final words to add?

Tard: We set our specifications like we live our lives, fast and loose. This year in schools nationwide, we hope that S.H.I.T will be fast and loose as well

By Bahd. Dia. Rea

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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