Written by C. Cranium
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Sunday, 7 March 2010

image for Ted Kennedy Fathered Twins

Teddy, of Chappaquiddick fame, has again amazed his fans and distracters. In 1973, while on a campaign trip to eastern Massachusetts, Teddy met Linda Mae Amherst Jones.

Jones was a campaign assistant and granddaughter of a rumrunner under the employee of old man Joseph Kennedy. Apparently Joneses grandmother, who drove a prohibition era whiskey truck, had a tryst with old Joe resulting in a son, born out of wedlock, named Martini Neehi Jones.

Martini beget Linda Mae, the looker, and Teddy followed 17 years later with biological impulses, let loose by Canadian whiskey, that begat the boys Slalom and Downhill.

Neither Teddy nor Linda Mae thought much about the campaign trail dalliance. Teddy didn't remember and Linda Mae wasn't sure who the heck the father was. DNA tests conducted at Tufts University have confirmed that the twins are genetically related to the Kennedy clan.

The family issued a short statement. "We dearly miss Teddy and are forever mystified by life. Ted's children are planning a family get together next summer with their new relatives."

New Family Tree

Joe Kennedy and Rose had Teddy
Joe Kennedy and Agnes had Martini
Martini and Betty had Linda Mae
Teddy and Linda Mae had Slalom and Downhill

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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