Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

image for Liberal Methodology for Making a Mountain out of a Molehill Exposed "I 'm not worried!"

Washington DC: The Democratic left wing liberals have figured out how to divert people's attention from real bread and butter issues to amorphous smoke and mirrors crusades, e.g. climate change/global warming.

The Democratic National Committee (DNC) has issued a handbook outlining a procedure to the left wing faithful for creating big unsolvable issues. These issues allow House Speaker Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Reid to have their way with (politically correct for saying "f**king over") the American people.

1. Select a bleeding heart liberal issue such as the traditional shape of hotdogs choking children or offending women; food police warning signs to protect people from themselves; falling vending machines hurting children; shark attacks driving up health care costs; getting syphilis from a toilet seat; getting hit by a meteorite; or if possible gun control. A really good unexploited issue is the Sun burning out in five Billion years and destroying all life on earth.

2. Stress how the issue affects little children, insults women and make sure it scares the hell out of people.

3. Lie about the time frame, making sure the catastrophe is shorter than 100 years, a human lifetime (no one will bother consulting a science book).

4. Cite phony UN reports that use made up models and data created in the middle of the night to exaggerate the immediate effects on the Earth.

5. Write letters to newspapers, email internet blogs and write letters to members of Congress and President Obama about the great danger of doing nothing.

6. Speak to ladies groups, Gay rights groups, impressionable college students and spread the word about the coming catastrophe.

7. Get 10 year olds to testify before Congressional committees that Congress must act now to pass legislation.

8. Pass feel good legislation and raise taxes for the $15.0 trillion needed to solve this non-existent problem immediately.

9. Establish a federal government agency (lots of alphabet soup), establish a Sun-burn out policy and hire experts who can't spell astrophysics but are multi-ethnic females.

10. Convene a blue ribbon panel to study the problem for a year.

11. Label anyone a racist who disagrees with the Democratic left wing position on the issue.

12. Blame former President George W Bush and the Republicans at every chance.

Send a generous political contribution to the DNC with your letter to the president and you will be eligible for a drawing for a nights stay in the Lincoln Bedroom of the White House (no lobbyists please).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top