Written by Miko
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Tags: gold

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

image for Do you have any gold lying around gathering dust?

Hi,

Have you seen those ridiculous adverts on tv asking folk if they have any gold that they no longer need? Well, I have stolen the idea, to a degree, having just started my own business called 'Do you have any houses empty that you no longer need?'

The idea is to target wealthy foreigners who perhaps live abroad, so that, idealy, I can fleece them of their stately homes for the price of a cup of tea!.

How does it work?

I have obtained lists of potential 'victims' (or clients) shall we call them, from various sources around the UK. My sources are: Bank Managers, Estate Agents,
Doctors snd MP's.

I have painstakingly written to all of the 20,000 people on the lists, making he or she a ridiculously high offer for his or her property. To date 5,600 people have replied accepting my offer, which by the way is always 300% above the property's current market value.

The next step is for me to arrange to personally meet these people somewhere upmarket, say the Hilton Hotel London, or Claridges. I will ask he or she to carry two pieces of fruit, say an apple and a banana, so that I can identify each person on the day.

Next..

The next bit I need some help with as I am stumped for something good, any ideas...?

All the best.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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