Written by victor nicholas
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Monday, 18 January 2010

image for The Real Bread Knives of Lancaster County "A body's glad to have a sit down"

Whew, just came back from Tesco, madness it was. Everyone seems to be shopping today just my luck and the traffic too. You should see all the Moslem food there is now, grape leaves, feta cheese, spices in packets the size of sugar bags and lentils.

I grew up to the age of fifty and never once saw a lentil, wouldn't know how to cook it today and the store is full of them, dried in bags or tins piled up over my head. I suppose you use them to make kabobs. Don't mind a kabob after a movie now and then but wouldn't want to have to them every day.

Tired I am now, don't know if I have the strength to unpack things, think I'll have a fag. Then again if I sit down I just may not be able to get back up again.

What's on the telly, Everton? Everton again, what's the point of getting a new telly when all we get is the same old teams, it's a bother isn't it? Surprised those coloured boys can play in the snow seeing as where they come from and all but then they're made of money aren't they, a bit of cold don't bother them, probably had to sleep outside where they come from . . .

There he goes, that's near a goal, STICKIT! Oh dear!

Forgot to buy some mushrooms, can't make spaghetti sauce without mushrooms with mum coming over, where's my head?

It was all those people you know, some day I'm going to start writing down what I need on a slip of paper, I'd probably lose that too.

To be continued . . .

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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