Written by Richard Coplin

Saturday, 16 January 2010

Friends of my son Kevin and he went out for the evening recently. They had a designated driver, were safe and had a lot of fun together. One of them, reported the next day on FaceBook exactly how much he drank. He claimed six 32 ounce and three 24 ounce beers. I got to thinking...

By my calculations, (6x32) + (3x24) = 264 fluid ounces. There are 128 fluid ounces to a gallon = 2.0625 gallons of beer!

There are .034 fl oz in 1 gram. 264 fl oz = 7764.705882 grams. There are .0022 grams in a pound, therefore, 264 fluid ounces equals 17.08235294 pounds of beer!

The average male bladder holds 500-600 ml of fluid but the desire to urinate is triggered at 150 ml. So, the minimum number of trips this person made to the bathroom to relieve 2.0265 gallons of urine is 13, if he held it each time until it reached 600 ml. However, he had the desire to pee 52 times when his bladder reached the 150ml level or greater.

Further, the average male can pee 21 ml/second. At some time, he had to pee 7.764 liters or 7764 ml of recycled beer. At the average of 21 ml/second it ook him 370 seconds or 6.16 minutes of uninterrupted peeing to accomplish this feat!

Stay with me...

The average person can walk 1 mile in 16 minutes. If he was walking at that rate while peeing, he would walk .3851687 miles in those 6.16 minutes in order to pee 7764 ml. His average speed would be 3.4 miles per hour. Since it took him 2.02 gallons of beer to cover those .385 miles, his average beer economy was .175 MPG of beer. I thought alcohol fueled vehicles got better mileage than that!

Actual mileage may vary.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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