Written by victor nicholas
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Monday, 14 December 2009

image for Juan Carlos Pardons Don Quixote Writer "Some of us have started making marks with our shovels and hoes that have caused us great amusement."

Seville - King Juan Carlos has issued a written pardon to Miguel de Cervantes, author of Don Quixote for wrongful imprisonment in the sixteenth century under the rule of King Mark.

Evidence of a transcript of the proceedings has come to light showing Cervantes was the subject of the wrath of local peasantry who brought personal grievances with Cervantes to King Mark leading to his imprisonment.

"Sire as you know a popular sport in our country is to tilt at windmills, a good man may tilt a dozen windmills in one day, two dozen with a good horse, Cervantes here claims to have tilted over 1,600 hundred windmills a day, either he is a liar or in league with the devil or both."

"I hear you good men and love all my subjects equally, however there are is no law governing tilting at windmills as it is a pastime for those to enjoy of their free will and is of no concern for the King."

"But my lord, we have good evidence written on our shithouse walls that Cervantes has slept with a pig and beats his wife on weekends."

The King looked grave and paused silently for it was well known in the kingdom that it was illegal to beat your wife on weekends.

Knowing his subjects before him were illiterate the King asked sagely "Tell me how you have come to know of this?"

"We may be poor farmers that cannot read or write my liege but it may please our lord that some of us farmers have started making marks in the fields with our shovels and hoes that may not be literature but have caused great amusement amongst us, some have even gone so far as to give some of our marks five stars."

"Splendid!" said the King heartened by the attempt at education by his subjects, "But how may it be that you are able to bring written witness against this man Cervantes?"

"Sire, there is a good man, Jose Hombre, who has lived here a long time. He is never drunk in public and never beats his wife on Sundays. He is learned and has made many marks in the fields with his shovel and hoe that many have come to see. He tells us the marks in our shithouses are what we come to tell you of. He has petitioned us to ask King Mark to banish Cervantes or he will leave his farm for another country."

King Mark stroked his beard thoughtfully and spoke slowly "Yes, I have met this man; he has told me he is a good man many times. You may be certain that I will pass judgment wisely on this matter."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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