Written by Melvin Lee
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Thursday, 10 December 2009

This is a busy month in Washington D.C. It seems like Turkey Day was just yesterday and already the White House is preparing for Christmas. This year, the party planners in DC decided to do something a little different. They asked several politicians to manufacture their own wine and bring several bottles which could be served at the dinner. When I heard my good friends Tareq and Michaele Salahi were planning on crashing the Thanksgiving event, I asked if I could disguise myself as a Chihuahua and hide in Michaele's purse. While there, I was able to obtain the wine list for this Christmas. Here it is for your enjoyment.

The White House Christmas Wine Menu

The Bush 2000:
Warning: may be served even if you ordered The Gore 2000.

The Gore 2004:
Bottled in eco-friendly SIGG bottles. Contains nothing in order to prevent further damage to the environment.

The Bush 2008:
Same unsophisticated characteristics, stronger bitter taste after consumption.

Mitt Romney 2008:
Non-alcoholic wine.

Howard Dean 2004:
So good you'll scream.

The Pelosi 2008:
Republicans may consume if they agree to support everything Nancy supports. Any illness as a result of consumption is due to lies circulated by the FDA.

The Obama 2008:
Consumers will be taxed on: presentation, opening, pouring, and individual sips. Nutritional Facts may be read from the teleprompter.

Timothy Geithner 2008:
Tax Free.

The S. Palin 2008:
A boxed wine suitable for any average American. Comes with free coupon for Sarah's new book Going Mainstream is Going Rogue.

The Blago 2009:
Drink enough and you will understand my logic.

Bill "Slick Willy" Clinton 1998:
For interns only!

The Spitzer 2008:
Pay cash if your date is not your wife.

McCain & Spector 1495:
Manufactured shortly after their birth in The New World. Made from stolen grapes.

Tom Harkin 2009:
Every table will be served a bottle unless they opt-out.

Olympia J. Snowe 2009:
Will be served to your table if two bottles have not been served my 8:00P.M.

Jesse Ventura 2009:
Wine, or is it? Find out on TruTv.

The Biden 2007:
For those who are clean and articulate.

The Nader 1996-2008:
Spoiling it for everyone by stealing customers.

The Frank 2006:
By drinking this wine, you acknowledge that Barney Frank, CEO of Frank Wines, is not liable for contents in wine or effects experienced after consumption.

Alan Grayson 2009:
Instructions: 1) Open and enjoy. If you do not enjoy 2) DIE QUICKLEY.

The Schwarzenegger 2008:
IOU's may be collected in California.

Rollin Burris 2008:
Drink until you forget I am here.

The Reid 2008:
Stimulus! Free samples by the entrance.

The Cheney 2007:
Comes with a raffle ticket for your chance to win a free hunting trip with Dick.

Hillary Clinton 2008:
Warning: May cause visions of Bosnian snipers.

The H.W. Bush 1988:
The bottle will be removed before completion.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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