Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 2 December 2009

image for Top 10 Things a Wife Can Do to Wreck a Boner An Erect Banana, squashed and left limp.

Inspired by Skoob's recent top 10 list.

A tribute to mature males in long standing relationships across the globe. We've all been there. Semper Fi, brothers.


Top 10 Things a Wife Can Do to Wreck a Boner

10: Show up naked, but without a cold beer in hand.

9: Start calling my penis any demeaning pet name as a metaphor for size. "My little Minnow", "Purple Smurf", "Mini Me", or "Tinkerbell" should do the trick.

8: Mentioning how much we screw like her father, or priest, or brother.

7: Comparing our masterful love making techniques to that of her old boyfriend. Any attempt at suggesting or even hinting about a performance improvement on your part should just about take care of any chance at maintaining an erection.

6: Get angry because we want to remove that expensive lingerie 3 seconds after it is first seen. Get the hint, it did the trick. We don't care that it took you hours of shopping and dressing room trials to find it. We liked it, really. Look at Mr. Happy. He liked it too. (Past Tense)

5: Suggesting that we schedule an appointment with the doctor for some Viagra.

4. Falling asleep and snoring while:
• Stroking our pole
• Licking our pole
• Riding our pole
• Thinking about this further, it may not matter at all if she is awake or not, at least in terms of us maintaining an erection or being able to finish.

3. Declare a pounding headache. Even if she's faking it, it means she has no intention of doing you any favors. Sexual or otherwise.

2. Bring any substantial, greasy food into bed. Sausages, Turkey legs, anything to suggest that she will be engaged in putting something into her mouth other than you.

1. Fart louder than we can. That will do it. Immediate and lasting deflation brought on by jealosy.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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