Written by W.P. Wonder
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Monday, 9 November 2009

image for George Bush on his predecessor, Barack Obama. What? No, there isn't a hole in my roof? What? How did I get in then? 'Cause I'm what? A big drip? . . . . What&#

During a recent sit down with Major Garrett of FOX News, Mr. Bush was asked to narrow down to one word, if he could, what best distinguished him from the present occupant of the White House.

"Butt!" emphatically replied Mr. Bush.

The interviewer looked clueless.

"That's affirmative, Major" affirmed the President, breaking the prolonged silence.

"Uh, that word," asked Garrett, "is it the one with one T --or two?"

The President sat back a moment, did some lip movements without uttering a sound, squinted his eyes, and then blurted out the answer -- 4 minutes later. "Two!"

"So, you mean your, um, derriere, to put it delicately, and Mr. Barack's derriere, the two, if stacked together, is what mostly signifies difference?" asked Mr. Garrett. The newsman then mumbled disappointedly, "Between the most two recent men to hold the most powerful office on the planet, that's it, huh?"

"No, no, no, you're gettin' me all wrong, Major. By the way, what service were you with? I myself made Lieutenant with the Air National Guard."

"It's not a rank, sir. It's just my name."

"That's stupid!" chortled Mr. Bush.

"Anyway," sighed Major Garrett, eager to get the conversation back on track, "how is my interpretation flawed."

"'Cause you're interpretin' me laterally. You gotta look at what I said alla, allu, allo, um -- not laterally."

"You mean literally, don't you sir?"

"Yeah, that's it. You're pretty smart for a Major. What was your dad's name? Kernel?"

"Sir, please," begged the correspondent, "what is it about your ass, uh, I mean your backside, that makes you different from Mr. Obama!? Or his butt, at least."

Mr. Bush curled his lower lip, as if a bit offended. Pretty quick, though, he steeled his expression before replying. "When it comes to butt, Barack'll lick it, I'll kick it."

"That's the big answer, huh?"

"Damn straight."

"That's where you and Mr. Obama diverge?" muttered the newsman, clearly losing interest in his own interview.

"Yeah, take a look at his wimpiness when it comes to Afghanistan. I mean, he says it's gonna take weeks and weeks to make a decision on the right troop levels. Hell, I'd of made that decision the second General McChrystal axed for it. Even years earlier, if only those ungrateful Iraqis hadn'ta tied down our troops. And look at how he's handlin' the fall of the Berlin Wall. If it's down, Einstein, put it back up! Don't wait for the U.N.'s permission!"

"Uh, sir," soughed the enfeebled Major Garrett, "it was torn down years ago. And it . . . . Oh, never mind."
Mr. Garrett then left the studio, ignoring Mr. Bush's further words of wisdom.

"Well, I'd of put it back up during my two terms, if somebody had told me it. And anyway, Major, ain't it funny how people who never served in the military got military names. Like you -- and the man now sittin' where I used to sit. I mean, how does President Obama get away with callin' himself Barack. Clearly, he ain't never slept in a military berthin'.

"Hello? Hell -- lo!?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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