Written by Danny Burger
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Monday, 26 October 2009

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What a big week in football it has been!

Firstly, the FA has today announced it will take the unusual step of suing both teams from the Hull City v Portsmouth game for allegedly "not playing a game football when contracted to do so" a spokesperson for the football association said today. The move could see both clubs lose up to £1 million each - proceeds will go towards gym memberships for the referee's association.

Big Sam Allardyce has come out against Rafael Benitez for his "watch look" after Torres scored the opener at Anfield.

"He was clearly saying to Sir Alex, your time is up, it's very disrespectful." said Big Sam.
Alex Ferguson has yet to respond,but is said to be annoyed at Big Sam for watching the game in an obvious attempt to try and suss out united's tactics, in preparation for next week's match of the year - when rovers make the trip to old trafford.

David Moyes has revealed that Vidal Sassoon will become a member of the backroom staff at goodison later this week.

"We need someone of his experience,Saha and Felliani have spent so much time on their hair recently and look at the results. Maybe a mo-hawk for Timmy Cahill or a flat top for Gosling, the sky is the limit really." said Moyes,sporting an unusual amount of gel in his hair.

Harry Redknapp today revealed that Aaron Lennon left the ground, not because of injury - as widely reported, but because he parked his car in a 1 hour spot and needed to move it. Redknapp is said to be furious, but understands that parking in North London is a "bit of a bitch", as he put it.

Finally, Steve Bruce was asked today if his nose had been put out of joint by some of the jeers he received from the Birmingham fans, "are you dense?" was his swift response.

Touché.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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