Written by Bunsen Burner
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Thursday, 22 October 2009

image for It's Star Trek, Jim, But Not As We Know It I put in Star Trek and this Christmas Tree came up. Well, it will do. It is just as silly as William Shatner

William Shatner thinks that he should be in Start Trek 2. I'm sorry, but Star Trek 2?! How many films have there been? Rather more than 2. And his character has been killed off. So what on earth (or not) is going on? Have the Klingons decided to send a boarding party and only James T Kirk can save us?

"Beam me up Scotty", except he can't as he's already been beamed up himself. William Shatner? Whatever next? A geriatric version of TJ Hooker? Actually, that might not be so bad as Heather Locklear might well be a damn sight more appealing than Leonard Nimoy. Or not, it depends on your particular point of view.

Star Trek 2? I remember seeing 'The Wrath of Khan' at the cinema when I was a kid. We went with some fat cunt on crutches who nobody liked. He was only on crutches because he was too fat to stand up by himself. I think he settled in Ipswich. Thing is, that the film wasn't the first Star Trek film. Now I'm not a Trekkie. Nor am I trying to upset anyone who is-that is just a bonus! (joke). But how can the next film be Star Trek 2? It isn't. If the Federation is so shit hot then why can't they count? They always knew how many Klingons were on a Bird of Prey! How many glasses of Romulan wine it took for Uhura to get her jugs out (3, by the way).

So, firstly the title is a poor effort. Surely Star Trek The Search For More Money would be better. Or Star Trek The Search For Kirk's Incontinence Pants?

Isn't it time we moved on? I thought they had with all that 'Next Generation' stuff, and the other thing which escapes me right now (told you I'm not a Trekkie). So, Mr Shatner, pack it in please. Go and play golf or something. And please can the film be called Star Trek 20 or something like that?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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