Written by IchabodCraneSH
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Sunday, 27 September 2009

Bob Dylan's Old Timey Christmas Television Special
featuring:
Andy Williams
Cher
Keith Richards
June Taylor Dancers
Shecky Greene
Alicia Keys
Miley Cyrus

knock knock knockin' on santa's door, indeed...

"Nobody believed I was gonna do a Christmas album and now nobody believes I filmed a Christmas show," growls a quietly defiant Bob Dylan. "I live my life and it surprises people, surprises me they're still surprised."

"Christmas was always about a good thing, not a department store thing. Just seems to me we needed an old timey feel to things again, something to bring people together."

So on Christmas Eve, Thursday, December 24th, CBS will be televising a 90 minute special by a man who did as much as anyone of his generation to tear down the establishment.

What gives, Bob?

"You could smoke your dope and drop a tab and grow your hair long.... but, at the end of the day... you sit down in your hotel room and there is gorgeously handsome Andy Williams with his pistol packing lil French wife and the little Jacksons... the white ones... ummm..."

The Osmonds?

"...whatever. Anyway, you sit there alone, tearing up in your Holiday Inn and damned if you don't start missing things like home and family and Yules. I just felt I had to put the 'Miss back in Christmas."

First Dylan asked Andy if he'd help him out. "I couldn't do it without the godfather of Christmas shows," Dylan said. "He gave me the necessary 'cred and some very tasteful sweaters for this thing"

Next to sign was Cher. Dylan specifically requested a performance of her legendary "O Holy Night". Cher was thrilled, "This is going to make my new boyfriend so happy, he loves Santa Claus."

Dylan was also adamant about securing teen sensation Miley Cyrus. "The kids love that Hanna Monica kid and I'm a huge fan, too," Bob said. Hannah Montana? "Yeah, you got it, that's her."

Bob Dylan's Christmas in the Heart is available now, wherever music is marketed today...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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