Written by Sturgill
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Saturday, 11 July 2009

image for 10 ways to find the Love Connection 10 ways to find the Love Connection

Someone once asked me how did you find love. My answer was simple, "I found love through a drunken party makeout session." I agree it may not sound glamorous but its true. So Way number 1: Drunken party makeouts. This may not be the answer you were looking for so let's move on to Finding love method 2.

The second best way to find love is to pay for it. Although I personally would never do this, it is a trick I saw through years of watching headlines about trusted Senators and Government officials. It seems that love, although possibly fleeting, can be found by looking up your local madam and paying for the best escort you can find. Thats method 2.

Method 3 goes as follows ask a friend for a list of his or her friends that are single. The one catch to this method is to make sure that they are not relatives. That way if the love connection fails, you never have to see them again under awkward circumstances.

Method 4 involves a bar and a lot of alcohol. If as most of the bar scene is, you happen to be very desperate and ugly, try buying random strangers lots of alcohol and hang out until they seem too hammered to make good judgment calls. At that point take them home and try to find that special connection.

Method 5. Try the online dating services. One tip though DO NOT put your real statistics on there. People do not want to know that your I.Q. is just barely better than that of Forest Gump. They also do not want to know that you have 2 communicable diseases that are incurable. Save those details until after you have made the "Love Connection".

Method 6. Homeless People. Although it may take a good showering and a ton of cologne or perfume to make them smell better, you would be shocked at the lovve these people have to offer. A good meal and their usually yours.

Method 7. Funerals. Funerals are a great place to meet other people. Usually you're sure to find atleast one single person.

Method 8. Fake it. Next time you atre out and about try borrowing some really nice clothes from your rich friend and wear them out on the town. While out treat people really bad and make outrageous claims to fortune. You'd be shocked at how many women will just flock to your side in hopes of a date.

Method 9. Meetings. If you have no other ideas try a good me anonymous meeting. I've heard that sexaholics anonymous is a great place to find that special someone.

Method 10 The best method I have found is to try to get to know someone really well, all the while testing them to see if they are the true love connection that you have been waiting for. See if they have the same values that you have been looking for. See if they have the looks and intellect that you have been looking for. If you find that "Special someone" that you have been looking for, then pay attention to what you should do next. Stalk them. Wait until they are asleep and then kidnap them and take them to that special Love nest that you have been secretly preparing for you and that special someone.

Well, thats all the time I have for this month.
Good Luck and happy hunting!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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