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Thursday, 9 July 2009

image for Bargis Tryhol Agent 004 Chapter Five - The Bunker Briefing "What are these Mudder?"

Bargis sauntered into Richmond underground CIA headquarters. Making his usual sardonic quip to buxom Moonlit Day he was stopped in his tracks to see agent QT had managed to arrive before him. Jumping up and down with excitement she ran up to Bargis and chirped into his ear, "The director wants to see us right away."

A tone rang out signaling Moonlit Day who ushered the two agents into the director's office. Button-tufted zebra striped naugahyde covered the walls and desk of the director. Inspector Morse sat languid on the couch.

Bargis spoke first, "Director Mudder, I understand you have an assignment for me."

Mudder rose up from her chair and stared down at Bargis.

"I see you've met my daughter 004."

"You're daughter director, but I thought you never married?" Bargis tilted his head quizzically.

"Yes, that is true, but a brief dalliance with Q led to, well you see, QT. He left a few tools in his toolbox that you never manage to lay your hands on. Lovely isn't she?

QT smiled as she turned to Bargis, her chest rising.

"Well I am sure you didn't bring us here as a matchmaker director."

"Never one to mince words Bargis are you."

"I'm sure you wondered why Agent Morse is here, we're glad to have him back in one piece. We sent Morse on a routine assignment to do a background check on the new International Spaceport Richard Branson is building in New Mexico."

"You mean the one he's building with taxpayers dollars?" Bargis interrupted, "Some say that he is building tunnel to Mexico instead of a station for space travel, "That would be a crime wouldn't it."

"Bargis my friend it's darker and deeper than that, once I got there I found out Branson had disappeared. Turns out Blowme was pulling the strings all along and now he is holding Branson ransom for 783 billion dollars."

"Branson ransom?" Bargis chuckled.

"Try saying that five times fast, Bargis. You should have seen the trouble I had with my report." Morse explained.

"So what if Virgin can't put up the money?" QT questioned.

"We're not asking you to put up the scratch darling" Bargis quipped. "So what is the big deal? What will happen if Blow me doesn't get his wad?"

"Haven't you been reading the papers Bargis?" Morse announced, "He's threatened to kill a celebrity a day until his demands are met."

"Well I guess he's making good on that threat, Morse, do you count Billy Mays in on that?"

"Always the wise guy aren't you 004?"

"Always."

"Where does the government sit on this Director?"

"The government is tapped out from the stimulus package so they have no place to go. That's why I've sent for you and QT. Morse tells me you two are the ones to get this job done."

"So everyone else has declined the post then Mudder?" QT asked earnestly.

"I always knew you were clever, not from your father's side I say." The director tossed a small jewelry bag QT. "Here you'll need these."

QT opened the package, stared at two small pointed objects in her hand and then glanced up.

"What are these Mudder"

"Carborundum nipple sheaths, you may be in a bind some day and need them."

Guy Richie Scotch/Jet Intercut to New Mexico.

Searchlights blinded Bargis and QT as they circled the International Spaceport.

"Ouch, Bargis, this cactus hurts" QT complained, "We're never going to break into this place, it's surrounded by hurricane fencing with sentries in orange boiler suits on metal catwalks every 100 metres ready to blast us on site".

Chrissakes you're right QT it looks like a Gary Numan concert."

"Gary who?"

"Never mind. I've got an idea. We're going to go in through the front gate and buy wristbands, they are good for the whole day and we can go on the rides too!"

"Blowme will never suspect secret agents to just walk in the place."

"Oh Bargis" QT gushed, pressing her hand against his bulging bulge."

. . . Continued in Chapter Six.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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