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Monday, 15 June 2009

image for New York To Cull 2000 Canadians Mayor Bloomberg

New York, NY - Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced today that the city will start to cull 2000 Canadians. Citing security reasons for the , the mayor suggested that the cull may become an annual event.

"Time and time again it has been proven that Canadians pose the greatest risk to American freedom. They take our jobs, our livelihood, our food, our women. And what do they give back in return? Nothing. Quite frankly I'd like to get rid of them all but one has to exercise moderation," Mayor Bloomberg announced at a joint taskforce between Homeland Security, the boroughs and the city.

"What about basketball? They gave us basketball," one conference delegate stated.

"No they didn't. That was just some Canadian who happen to like throwing a ball into a net but taught in the states. Anyone could have thought that up," replied Mayor Bloomberg.

"What about the snowmobile? They gave us that."

"Who uses those around here?" Bloomberg shot back.

"What about the zipper. They gave us the zipper."

"Really? Clever...but that doesn't change my mind. We've got to secure ourselves from outsiders and, besides, these people are taking up way too much space and they seem to have an affinity for dental floss which is causing havoc to our sewage system."

"What about the dental mirror? They invented that."

"Oh...look...shut up. Now you're grabbing at straws."

The cull will begin Monday, June 15. Unfortunately, it may take a little longer than first thought as the Stanley Cup playoffs are over and they won't be returning to their usual sports bars, attracted by the luminescence of a puck floating around on a widescreen plasma television.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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