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Monday, 15 June 2009

image for Britney Spears Is Dating Her Agent, Jason Trawick Jason Trewick, pre Harvard

Kentwood, LA - Britney Spears is dating her agent, Jason Trawick. Mr. Trawick took a rather circuituous route to becoming the agent of one of the most powerful brands in show business, according to several sources.

Beginnings

Jason started out as a small Louisiana town used car dealer, selling beat up old Mazdas and Toyotas he'd find in the classifieds. At the time he worked under his birthname, Buford Stiles.

"I used to find these beat up old Mazdas and Toyotas in the classifieds," said Jason. "...most of them from Arizona or Nevada. Then I'd drive them back to Chicago or New York and sell them at auction. Everyone wants to buy a used car from a desert state."

He soon found that they were worth more with a proper stereo. "I soon found they were worth more with a proper stereo. So then I'd outfit them with the latest technology, with huge woofers and tweeters - the works. Then people started robbin' them from me at gunpoint so I quit the used car business."

Adapt...

At a crossroads in his career, Mr. Trawick decided to use an old business adage. "Adapt, adopt and improve. That's what ma pappy used to say to me." So on that advice, Mr. Trawick enrolled in Harvard Business school with a minor in law and after graduating, started trolling the beaches for singing talent; talent he could manage.

"Of course this is when I had my name changed. I also went through a colonic cleansing and a high fibre, high protein diet. These are things you go through if you want to be a high profile agent in Los Angeles. Matter of fact, it's in the pamphlet they give you when you graduate from Harvard."

Trolling

"After school, well...wasn't near a week of trolling the beaches when I found this cute little blond number who already had a career and a falling out with her manager."

Britney Spears? "No. Her name was...Betty White. Took me a week to figure out she'd already had two successful t.v. series, was once a regular game show panelist, her career had already peaked twenty five years ago and she was almost pushing 90. I tell you, these things don't get taught in the classroom. Nah...first, I had to get me some street smarts. So I went back to Kentwood Louisiana and, wouldn't you know it, I tripped over Britney Spears comin' out of the coin laundromat. Turns out you only have to do diaper runs for a lady for a couple weeks and then she'll make you her agent. What's that all about? Har..har..har..har.!!"

Mr. Trawick's motto?

"Why...grab 'em by the balls and their hearts and minds will follow. Har..har..har...!!! You..you..you are..You..you..you..are..womanizer..womanizer...Har..har..har.."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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