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Monday, 18 May 2009

In an exclusive interview with me, during which she surprisingly failed to get her norks out, glamour model and media whore Katie Price has exclusively revealed the reason for her tragic and highly-paid split with extravagantly-abdominaled failed popster Peter Andre.

Katie, 34GG, has exclusively revealed the kiss-and-tell details of her torrid affair with a senior House of Commons official, and how its discovery has led to her massive tabloid payday acrimonious separation from Andre.

Speaking from behind a pink vest top, Katie admitted that between January 2008 and March 2009, she was involved in a steamy affair with Speaker Michael Martin, including nude romps in the Speaker's Chair during last year's summer recess.

"It was truly passionate", claimed Katie, her bosom heaving with emotion. "We connected on an emotional, spritual and intellectual level, and anyway Max told me I had a better chance of getting a payout with Mick than if I tried it on with Gordon. Mick told me nobody would ever find out, because he'd hide the hotel bills in his expenses as taxi fares for his wife".

Katie plans to reveal all the details of her thirteen-month affair with the Speaker in a new book, titled 'Katie: How I Gobbled Mick', in which she will reveal:

- How she and Mr Martin romped in the Speaker's Chamber, and how she fondled his Black Rod;

- Their 4-times-a-night games, with the Speaker wearing his official robes and a Celtic football shirt;

- Mr Martin's prediliction for screaming 'Order!' at the point of climax.

Peter Andre is reported to be 'inarticulate with rage' at the kiss-and-tell revelations, however there is some confusion over this as he's hardly articulate normally.

Speaker Martin is to make a Commons statement today on how long he's been stuffing it up Jordan.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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