Craptastic Industries is introducing yet another wonderful product, the Fartblaster.
Whether you have gas everyday or just seem to develop it while out on a date or at Thanksgiving and Christmas time with the family, this is just what you need.
Made of soft pliable flibber, the pointy end is easily placed slightly up your rectum and fluffs out so that it will stay poot.
The Fartblaster allows you to let go a howler without making the least bit of a sound by acting as a sort of muffler. Plus it's so light, you'll even forget it's there. So be careful to take it out before any bowel movement which will destroy the Fartblasers delicate structure and clog the silencer.
Now we know your next question: What about the smell? Well, not only will you get the Craptastic Fartblaster for $19.95, we'll also include ABSOLUTELY FREE, six different floral inserts!
Much like changing those plug-in air fresheners, the six alone will last you for up to a year! Then you can order them at our low $12.95 for a dozen with your choice of odor eater fragrances.
All orders must include $5.95 for shipping and handling.
"Instead of your date giving you a hard look or even getting up and leaving to go outside to vomit, you'll hear, "Why Harold, what's that new men's cologne you're wearing?"
Call us today. We're headquartered in Denver. Check your telephone directory, listed under "FART HELP" for our agents in all 50 states.