Written by bschooled
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Monday, 27 April 2009

Jan, these past few months have been incredible. You are an amazing woman, and I feel like the luckiest man in the world to have someone like you in my life. I know that in the beginning I said we should move slowly, but I am ready to throw all caution to the wind and take the next logical step... I want to Skype with you.

It's a big commitment, after all we only started private messaging a few weeks ago, but I feel like you know me better than anyone. I mean, sometimes I will be on the computer, just surfing the net and thinking about you, when all of a sudden your name will pop up on MSN chat. If that's not a sign we are destined to be together, what is?

Before I met you I had given up on finding love, especially after things didn't work out with mandy_minx69. Boy, did that bitch ever take me for a virtual ride. Together for eight months, and the day I propose via e-card, that stupid cow writes back to tell me she's dating some guy she met in real life. It wasn't until later I found out the whore had never thought our relationship was serious in the first place.

I'll admit I was bitter for quite a while--four and a half years to be exact--but I now understand that if I want you and I to have a real shot at love, I need to let go of past baggage and focus on the future. It's not very often I meet someone like you, Jan, someone who tells me she is blonde, blue-eyed, and big-breasted. And if your friends say you have a great personality, well that's good enough for me.

With you being in Russia and me under house arrest for that bogus stalking charge, people might think we are crazy for pursuing this any further. But let them think whatever they want...deep down we know the truth.

Anyway, I hope you seriously consider my proposal. You mean the world to me, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. Who knows, if things work out with Skype, maybe one day your handle will be mrs_spankme72…

Oh, by the way, when you sign on for the first time, be sure to wear that red bustier from Frederick's of Hollywood you were telling me about the other night….RRRROAR!!!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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