Written by bschooled
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Monday, 27 April 2009

I like to think I'm a pretty easy-going guy. I know that I'm not perfect, and I don't expect any future girlfriend of mine to be, either. As long as she is super attractive and still a virgin, nothing else really matters.

I don't understand why it's been so hard to find a chick like that. I mean, it's not like I am saying she needs to have an IQ of 150, or know the stats of every player on the Maple Leafs…hell, she doesn't even need to be good company for all I care. I have more than enough personality to make up for her lack of social skills.

Sometimes it feels like I am searching for someone who doesn't exist, and the more hot chicks I meet, the more disillusioned I become. I once dated a gorgeous Latin girl who said I was her first. But trust me, I have slept with many girls in my time, and she was no greenhorn in the sack. Looking back, I should have figured she was pulling one over on me, how often do you meet an exotic dancer saving herself for marriage? That break-up was especially tough for me, mainly due to the fact she was a real sexpot. But, like I said, I can't compromise my values. It just wouldn't feel right.

Anyway, even though I get discouraged at times, I know deep in my heart that my perfect match is out there, I just have to be patient. Until the day my princess shows up, I guess I will just keep plugging along, dreaming of her while at the same time bedding every semi-attractive whore turning tricks at Plankinton's Chicken Ranch.

In the meantime, if you hear of any stunning, well-endowed virgins living in the Vegas area, let me know.

Oh…Perhaps I should have mentioned the well-endowed requirement earlier. I just assumed that went without saying.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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