Written by Jalapenoman
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Tags: Books, clubs, DVD

Monday, 27 April 2009

image for New Hassle Free, Worry Free Book, Music, and Video Club Announced Who wants dusty, old, unwanted books filling their shelves?

Are you frustrated with bookclubs that send you their featured selection of the month, even though you already sent back the little card? Are you upset that you received a new CD on the Greatest Hits of Mating Sounds of the Humpbacked Whale the day after the you actually ordered a John Denver album? Are you sick and tired of video clubs that require you to notify them by certified, registered mail three years in advance on green stationary using Chinese stamps that you really don't want to see The Wiggles Live in Tel Aviv?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, than The Hassle Free, Worry Free Book, Music, and Video Club is the place for you!

Each month, you will receive by mail, by carrier pigeon, by e-mail, from UPS, as a text message, and on your Facebook page our information on the next months featured and selected items and alternate products.

The difference here is that we make sure that you actually received the little postage reply card! We even have the postage pre-paid on these little cards (at the economical rate to you of only $29.95 per year/slightly higher in Canada)!

You then fill out whether or not you want the featured selections of the month and send that information back through the mail, carrier pigeon, e-mail, tied to a rock, with smoke signals, telephone call (900 number, of course), parachute freight drop, twitter, Nigerian marathon runner, Fed-Ex, or attached to a flaming arrow! We'll then know that you don't really want our product and won't ship you anything. You can even ignore us and just throw the little card away and we ship you nothing!

In about three weeks, you will not receive the items that you did not order!

Whether you order the items or not, your credit card will be charged the small fee of the cost of our re-stocking these items, plus $39.95 shipping and handling. Just think of the convenience: No extra cardboard boxes in your trash! No extra films or books that you don't want filling your shelves! No time wasted on reading when you could be watching internet porn!

Keep your bookshelves and CD cases clean and clutter free at our great rates and you will never have to join any book, music, or video club again!

The money that you spend on our products is guaranteed not to depreciate in value to you over time. In fact, if any item that we don't send you loses it's value while setting on your shelves gathering dust, we'll pay you back double the difference (after a small processing fee)!

Hassle Free is the way to go! Call us today for your free membership kit (credit card number required to process shipping) and we can have you all ready to go!

Start saving today!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top ^