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Tuesday, 21 April 2009

image for Recession Claims Santa Claus It will be the end of Christmas as we know it

North Pole - Santa Clause has announced he may not be delivering Christmas presents this year, after being hit "extremely hard" by the worst recession in modern history.

Clause, 853, has disclosed in yet to be released legal documents that his company Clause Christmas Capers is heading towards liquidation, if someone doesn't bail him out. He has asked the World Bank for a special emergency loan of £800billion.

A spokesperson for the World Bank has, however, stated that the chances of Mr Clause receiving the loan as requested are slim. "He has no way of paying the loan back. He has very little income, except what he makes from his appearances at shopping malls in the month leading up to Christmas. And as for his request for a 200 year loan, well how the hell do I know if he intends to follow that through? I'll be dead in a couple of decades - he could just sneak into the bank and cross his name off the debt list. Who'd be there to check?"

But some of London's top economists have stepped forward to back Mr Clause, stating that if his company is not saved, the results could be catastrophic.

Toys'R'Us, the biggest toy company in the UK, relies heavily on sales to Mr Clause's company. In fact, 85% of all toy and games console sales in the UK are through Clause Christmas Capers. The toy and games console industry has an annual turnover of £450 million and employs over 750,000 people. And the UK is already dangerously close to an unemployment disaster as it is.

As well as that, Clause Christmas Capers employs over 2,000 staff in its head office in Ice Town, North Pole. Most of the staff, or elves as they are better known, are orphans from Malawi who have nowhere else to go, speak only Elf and only have basic carpentry skills.

The company also looks after over 8,000 cattle, most of them reindeer and buffalo. The North Pole has been hit by severe drought in recent years and the cattle rely on the company to feed and water them.

The World Bank will give Clause Christmas Capers an answer to their request by midnight Wednesday night.

The whole world will be holding its breath.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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